Myrtle's Turtles

Carving Out Gratitude

2011-11-07T05:10:00.000-05:00

I am finding it difficult to write lately. Carving out pre-dawn moments to find my slice of peace is proving to be harder than I thought. So this morning I have chosen to spend this slice of peace on expressing gratitude.

I am thankful

For a grandmother's love for her grandchildren. My mother takes care of my children while I go to work and still holds down a full-time job. I marvel at her ability to take care of others, find joy in it and still carve out time for herself.

For a faraway friend's reminder to stay relational even if it is the last thing I desire. I am thankful for the time she took to put encouragement, conviction and love to words all within the same stroke.

For a season that inspires so much hope that I can't help but roll around in it!

Christmas is coming! Christmas is coming! That is what makes me most grateful.

Come Unity

2011-10-03T00:00:00.000-04:00

http://www.dioceseofroseau.org/?page_id=60

Salty waves crashing against stone walls holding up the hallelujahs

Water poured over my head linking me for life to a world before me

Warm sweet milk served by nuns after mass

Communion taken before commitment

Tradition, community, mystery mixed with sacrifice, repentance, and forgiveness

There is little I know about my great-grandmother Lise-Rose. She dotted on my mother and committed her life to service in our little village church. Even though I never met her I have felt a strong connection to her. Not only because she was so gracious and loving towards my own mother but because I identify with her need and love of serving. Serving is a way for me to connect my faith to my community. It is has always been about relationship. It is where my faith, family and community meet and grow. The stone walls I walk around today still hold up the hallelujahs and the waves are also found close by. Yet, in the midst of this there is hurt that is leaking out through the seams of misunderstanding and distrust.

Writing about hurts in your church is like writing about hurt from your mother. You don't want to expose unpleasantness. You want to protect what has shown you love and protection. Since joining our church almost 3 years ago our family has found a place to ride out the storms and a place to grow our faith. Even more I have found a place to serve with the gifts God has given me. Recently I have seen some things that have challenged my faith in God's plan. I question whether or not what I feel and see is representative of his guidance or the failings of people. I struggle between the need to please others by turning a blind eye or speaking up when something isn't quite right. Each has a consequence that doesn't sit well with me. I watch as others quietly disapprove and disappear. It seems to me that the one place the truth should be embraced is sometimes the hardest place to speak it.

I am forced to remember that though I long to please others I am not here to do this. God has called me to live openly so that I can inspire others to serve him.

How do you grow your faith when the walls come tumbling?

Extreme Couponing Envy

2011-09-29T06:52:00.000-04:00

Extreme couponing = extreme envy. When I watch this show I am slightly contemplating getting a binder and sitting at a table with my 4 children cutting through a sea coupons. It's a great way to develop fine motor skills by the way. Images of grocery trips lined with buggy after buggy of toilet paper and barbecue sauce dance around in my head. Then reality (my 17 month old) smacks me in the head. There is no way I would have that much time to devote to something so extreme, but maybe I am saying this because I have never gotten thousands of dollars worth of food for FREE.

I love these women's commitment to finding free ways to feed their family. I love the idea of making lists, creating a binder with sections, pockets, zippers, secret codes etc... Okay the secret code thing was made up. And- the stock piles. (That's where the envy begins for me.) I would love to go into a storage room with neatly lined shelves of toilet paper with labels facing gloriously at me. Who wouldn't? On some level it reminds me of people who have bunkers in the event of war or something. That thought doesn't hang around long though.

To be honest, I have my own extreme shopping addiction. Cereal boxes. Since staying at Libby's house for almost a month this summer I started craving a shelf of neatly lined cereal boxes. Don't ask me why but I just like the look of it. So now I can't stop buying cereal when it is on sale. By the way we only eat cold cereal once a week. So these babies are sticking around for a long time.

I am also obsessed with price matching. I have utilized charts, iPhone apps and monthly menu planners in an effort to capitalize on savings. It is addictive. The more you save the more you want to save. This new world is shocking to me because I was the one who would spend the same amount on a pair of shoes as I did on my rent. Shocking I know. But they were really nice shoes.

Do you have extreme couponing envy? (Search deep down...trust me it's there.)

Food Frenzy

2011-09-28T00:00:00.001-04:00

Lately I have been watching a lot of documentaries about food. It has become a mini obsession really. Because food is something so close to my heart I make it my business to find out everything I can about it. I get excited when I discover that carrots come in psychedelic colours and patterns. I also love how food connects us to complete strangers. Just last week I spoke to a British grandma about roasting parsnips and cooking with beet root. On the surface this woman and I seem to have nothing in common. Yet in a supermarket we appeared like besties. We parted with our traded secrets tucked neatly in our mental cooking folders.

This past year we ordered half a cow. It was the most cost effective way to enjoy organic beef. Every time I cooked some of this meat I feel proud that I took one small step to ensuring that some of our food is just food. I am also angry that we have to pay so much for food the way it was meant to be consumed. How is it cheaper to eat food that has been genetically altered or soaked with preservatives?

What are you in a food frenzy about?

I Write

2011-09-26T00:00:00.000-04:00

I try to write. The words come but the fear follows. Worries about judgement settle near by. And the words find their escape. I am trying to be brave in this new world of mine. I know it will be good - eventually. But sometimes change can hurt.

There are moments when the bad is so bad I hurt all over. Some days my beaten body carries me to my warm bed and I nestle beside my baby girl. I look at her sweet lips pressed delicately together. I watch her feather-like curls swirl this way and that around her round lovely face. Kisses flow and our embrace tightens. She is my Ella-Shilloh.

The past year and a half she has endured this treacherous life with me inside and out. While I carried her my life endured pain that I never thought I could endure. The horrid details are imprinted in a place I seldom visit anymore. When she was born more pain followed and still kept following. I tried to find peace in happiness. Sometimes it was their waiting, other times they both escaped like runaway brides.

Lately I feel like my life is a race against time, money, and falling in over my head. You get it. You've been there. Maybe. In the last three months I have gone through homelessness (for a short time), separation, and working outside of my home for the first time in a while. My life became foreign to me. My plans floated beside me out of the reach of my future. The life of baking loaf after loaf of cinnamon bread, homeschooling, drop-ins, coffee breaks with the girls and diy-anything slipped by.

In three weeks I had changed my whole life and people couldn't recognize me anymore. The honest truth is the hardest part about this brave new world of mine is not the separation, or the homelessness, or the work - it is the part where I have to find a new dream.

Here's the fear again. Yet, I write.

Making It

2011-04-18T01:37:00.003-04:00

I Just finished watching The Day After Tomorrow. I don't know why I do this to myself. Movies like that make me want to run and huddle in a room with my family. They fill me with fear and paralyze any dreams of spontaneous living. I am not kidding. This is why I stay away from legal dramas, sci fi flicks, horror, and anything with more suspense than Green Eggs and Ham. I know that watching this movie will make me feel like the end of the world is at my door step. Yet I still sit paralyzed by the promise made from father to son,

"I will come for you, do you understand me? I will come for you. "

I have seen this movie before and it doesn't make sense that I would put myself through this torment again. Then it happens. The end.

"Who is that?"

"My father. You made it."

"Of course I did. "

I grab my face and press the tears in. The reminder that there was someone in my life that loved me like that. Don't get me wrong I had a mother who would do anything for me and I am eternally grateful for. Yet, there has always been a missing piece. That father - making it. Even through death.

Next movie: Pride & prejudice (Yes the 5 hour one.) What cinematic torment do you endure?

Decide on Five

2011-04-04T00:01:00.000-04:00

A list of decisions I have made:

1. Put Cohen back in school. This decision scares me to bits. I imagine children giving him tips on how to drive me crazy, torment his siblings even more than he already does, and develop unhealthy habits like drinking milk through his nose! School is a scary place. I should know I ~~lived~~ taught there for a few years. I know...I know...he will be fine.

I just love this picture of my first and last. Sweet!

2. Embrace my domestic life. When my husband's cousin read that I wrote for Blissfully Domestic she laughed and made fun-just a little. I felt a tinge of hurt but dismissed the thoughts that carpooled along. I tried to explain that I am not living in la la land. I know that parts of my life scare most people - even me. But I do find bliss throughout my life in little pockets on my apron, in cheeks full of home cooking, and size 3 overalls. I love being at home. I wish I could conjure up a list of reasons right now. But it is more about the things I can't describe or take pictures of. The pauses. The luxury of time. The learning woven in and out. It is in pyjamas at noon and time to make filet-au-poivre just because. It is making rainbows throughout the day, and Costco runs with the Besties. Okay I said I wasn't going to make a list but I did. What can I say- I made a decision.

The epitome of domestic bliss!

3. Take a compliment. Thank you.

4. Take care of myself. It all started with the girls weekend away. I washed my face- at night. I bought my favourite body product and dressed in the light. I even looked in the mirror up close and from afar. Something in me clicked. I wanted to paint my toes, wear lipstick that didn't blend, and wash my face every night. It felt good. It made me feel human- again.

We really did not want to leave.

5. Dream. Which would involve sleep. So on that note good night.

What's your five?

Wholesome Sweetness

2011-03-31T00:43:00.000-04:00

The past week I have been cooking up a storm. I took loads of pictures hoping that I could write a few recipes for the blog. I have mentioned before how much I love cook books and how I read recipes like short stories. So that's why it was a little heart breaking when I discovered that I hate writing recipes. Most of the time I don't follow recipes in the dozen of cookbooks I own. I just like to feel the pages, get some eye candy and get inspired. Lately I have been in love with my "Where Women Cook" magazine. (I am really hoping someone will get me the book for Christmas! Hello mom are you listening?)

So instead of writing the recipes for the things I have made this week I have decided to give you some eye candy to inspire you and your pots and pans.

(From left to right: cinnamon bread slices & loaf, curry chicken with paneer and raita, cinnamon bread roll, and banana nut bread with maple syrup frosting.)

The cinnamon slice was inspired by an image I found at Pinterest. The loaf and the roll were inspired by the Pioneer Woman's cinnamon roll recipe. I have used this recipe to make rosemary rolls, garlic rolls, Parker house rolls and much more. We love the rolls with our pulled pork!

Sometimes inspiration comes from a sale sign at the grocery store. This definitely applies to the Indian meal I made this week. Paneer was on sale and I couldn't resist. Paneer is this Indian cheese that you can fry and add to lots of different dishes. It has a smooth texture and soaks up all the flavours of the dish it sits in. Lovely isn't it. I like it with spinach or peas. I don't use a recipe for this but I'm sure there are a lot out there.

Because it is spring and the sugar bush is buzzing I had to make some maple syrup inspired goodies. Since someone told me that maple syrup has more calcium than milk I have gone out of my way to find reasons to use this duct tape for food ingredient. I decided to make a Maple Syrup frosting for my banana nut bread. I'm not usually a frosting kinda girl but I searched far and wide for crevices to smother frosting over. Soooo goooood. Amen. Thank you Jesus!

And just like that I'm done for the night.

What inspires you to get up and cook?

Straight to Fro

2011-03-23T00:01:00.003-04:00

I have been on a ride with my hair since finding out I was pregnant with Ella-Shilloh in the Fall of 2009. I decided not to chemically straighten my hair while I was pregnant. I have very thick coils that take over my head like ink stains on a white page. It is fun, touchable, freeing and fearful all at the same time.

Every couple of weeks I walked into the neighbourhood salon and let my hairdresser get her biceps work out done by blowing out my mushroom of coils. She had to take breaks, use a special dryer and sometimes just look at me and giggle. People would stare at the mushroom of coils and look at my hair dresser with pity. I couldn't wait to show them how great it would look afterward. The crazy band of characters it took to make my hair behave worked together to produce smooth, long, shiny strands. My hair dresser would flip my straight dark hair to show what I prize I had. After all every body wanted this hair. Hair that felt light and airy. Hair that made me feel like I could fly - until I got out the door and realized it was raining. I would take cover under scarves, hats, purses, coat sleeves, overgrown babies - whatever was in arms reach. After all water was my ultimate frenemy.

In preparation for my girls weekend I found myself in a dilemma. Should I get my hair "did" and avoid saunas, steam rooms, hot tubs, pools - even showers? Just to save some straight strands. Or should I go natural? What to do? As I looked at my afro puff in the bathroom mirror I couldn't resist squishing it over and over. My 2 1/2 year old daughter was watching me. She sang "Mama I like your hair." I sang back, "I like it too." In those little moments I realized that I liked my hair all coiling every which way. I like the way it grew without any care in the world. I like the way it spoke without a word coming out of my mouth. Every time I looked at it would sing, "Mama, I like your hair." I sang back, "I like you too. Very much. Very much."

What do you like about you?

Girls Weekend

2011-03-22T12:27:00.000-04:00

Just finished the best weekend ever. Really. I wanted to fill you in on every detail but thought you might have other things to do - like ~~facebook~~ laundry. So I'll give you the super reader's digest version. I love cookbooks and read them like novels so that's how I've chosen to write about this weekend.

Ingredients
1 swanky hotel suite with 3 beds in the middle of downtown Toronto
3 giggly-but-chilled-out-snack-happy girlfriends
1 early morning Walmart run for mags, peanut infused snacks, and A & W (you know how much I love it!)
1 mid afternoon sprint to the new mall where we met Mark McEwen (the chef- photo to follow) and bought stinky cheese and crusty bread
1 quick run to LCBOhhhh (the liquor store) for ice wine (thanks mom), Zinfandel, and a mini shot of Baileys

Endless frivolous t.v. shows while we ate brie, sipped wine, and flipped through magazines in the comfiest bed ever
Room Service
Sweet gifts (chocolate dipped strawberries) from Libby's husband delivered to our room (the strawberries that is!)

1 late late late breakfast that lasted as long as we wanted it to
1 Subway trip to the mall for products that make us smell as sweet as we are (deep down inside)
1 late night dip in the hot tub
3 Amazing families who understand how much we needed this weekend without our children or anyone else for that matter (Thanks Mom - You are the best!)

The plate included salsa, popcorn, french bread, chips and brie - just perfect!

Directions
Take all these ingredients and mix them together in any order. If you would like to increase the amounts any of the ingredients go ahead. You'll have a blast! For real!

Unfortunately we had to leave.

Have you ever gotten away for some real rest?

Bake Mix Stir

2011-03-15T00:25:00.000-04:00

Two of my close friends and I decided to do some large scale cooking. I can't tell you what it does to my heart to be in a professional kitchen. I love the large stove that holds more pots than I own and a counter top that can handle endless cinnamon roll logs.

Our cooking journey started on Tuesdays where we would grab our carts assemble the my two girls into them and stroll the isles looking for the most inexpensive way to make pot roast, pulled pork, roasted chicken or pasta meals. One of my favourite moments was standing up to the grocery manager who mislabeled elephant garlic as colossal garlic. Instead of paying almost $4 a pound we paid half that. Don't mess with us, we are armed with our mixers, sharp knives and nights of recipe hunting. We always ended our shopping days with a Costco lunch with the girls. Our three daughters and the three of us would dip french fries, smother hot dogs and sing endless rounds of ring around the rosie.

I can't tell you how much I looked forward to our shopping and cooking sessions. On Thursdays we roasted garlic, made endless trays of meat balls, hand rolled fragrant rosemary dinner rolls and had the occasional meringue mishap. Our time gave us an opportunity to catch up, giggle, and trade secrets. I learned a lot from my fellow cooks. Here are some lessons learned:

1. Montreal steak spice is a must have. You can use it in meat balls (amazing!), pulled pork and just about any meat dish that needs garlic and onions.

2.A & W root beer. A & W root beer. It deserved a second mention. Libby (one of the cooks) pours a bottle into her slow cooker and cooks her pork shoulder in it. Can someone say AMEN!

3. Homemade dinner rolls are a must. This has become one of my favourite things to make for dinner. When I make dinner rolls for my family, friends, or church it is the equivalent of a cherry on top, a chocolate on your pillow, and a red carpet at the Oscars. It sends the message - you are special. Have a dinner roll. We used the Pioneer Woman's cinnamon roll recipe and just omitted the sugar and rolling part.

4. Clean up. All three of us brought something valuable to the team. The most valuable member is the woman who cleans/tidies/organizes WHILE she cooks. She does this so well you don't notice - until she is sick and you realize it took you twice as long to make that meal.

What are you bringing to the kitchen?

Chasing Thoughts

2011-03-13T23:49:00.000-04:00

This week has been tough. The constant reminders, yelling, incessant chatter, sibling fights and road runner paces leave me tired. I sit tonight and reflect on the week that slipped passed me. The days where my voice thinned and my chest pounded leap back into my mind. I think about all the messages he heard:
annoying
stop
stop
stop!!!
don't
wait
go to
   the step
   your room
   your bed
   without prayers

It hits me right back. Nobody should go to bed without... especially prayers. As exhausting as his feet are to watch and his questions are to answer he is loved. He calls me to a place where my feet turn from and my head aches in. A place where I know he would rather not be if he had a choice. He doesn't.

He doesn't like chasing thoughts that don't rest - even for a second. He would rather finish what he started and be the star student -for once. He would love to spend time with his siblings that don't end with someone getting hurt because impulses raced ahead of reason.

Tonight I remind myself that I hope to be a reminder of what he can be despite the racing thoughts, impulses that don't quit and quick steps that lead everywhere all at once.

Eyes Wide Open

2011-03-04T05:34:00.001-05:00

You've spent an entire week feeling tired and worn out. Most nights you crawl into bed way too late and wake up way too early. Then it happens. Right there waiting for you is an early to bed evening where visions of soft warm sleepy moments lay. Babies are sleeping soundly (beside you) and the house is still and quiet. The duvet feels like it should and all in well in the world.

Then at 2:43 AM your eyes spring open for no apparent reason. Just like that this night of sleepy bliss has turned into another late night...mare. I hate when that happens. I lay there praying (no really I am praying) that I would go back to sleep. Eyes still wide open. Then I move on to other prayers about my children, marriage, my friends marriages, doctors, world peace, meals in the making, TMZ... whatever I can come up with. Eye lids still apart. I figure I might as well make some use of this "extra" time. Here are some things to do when your eyes won't do what they should:

1. Go on ~~facebook~~ a laundry folding spree (Yippeeee! not.)
2. Clean out your ~~fridge (that blondie feels so much better in your tummy)~~ oven
3. Get back to your blog that you have neglected for (almost) months!
4. Watch ~~YouTube~~ your baby sleep with ease (sooo jealous!)
5. Goggle the Ministry of Transportation because you need to get that renewal sticker before you get a ~~nother~~ ticket!

I hope your late-night-early-morning was as productive as mine!

What do you do with your "extra time"?

Captivating Enough

2011-02-08T06:55:00.001-05:00

I am pulling one of those all nighters again. The children have been playing tag with the flu/cold/germ bug and life around here has been a little messy. Messy in terms of a flooded basement, laundry (again), and homeschooling challenges. It has been one of those months where I have fantasised about literally dropping off Cohen at school and waving goodbye from the van. It would be so much easier wouldn't it? I would just like to catch my breath.

No time for that now. On Saturday I started my journey into Breakthrough part 2 (or season 2 as I like to call it). Breakthrough is kind of like Christian group therapy with intensity and reflection at every turn. Through my first day I discovered something about myself in the words of one of the other members in my group. I realized that I felt that I was cursed, deserving of bad things, and I should just accept that stability and peace were not mine to have. For some reason I have felt that God wanted me go through the loss of my father, devastation, my husband's battle with depression, my battle with anger, illness, financial difficulties, and on and on. I have felt for a long time that God was punishing me for not being good enough.

I started a study on the book Captivating and I have been captivated by the message. This book describes so much of the confusion, frustration and hurt that women struggle with.

"An underlying, gut feeling of failing at who she is. I am not enough, and I am too much at the same time. Not pretty enough, not thin enough, not kind enough, not gracious enough, not disciplined enough. But too emotional, too needy, too sensitive, too strong, too opinionated, too messy... After all if we were better women-whatever that means-life wouldn't be so hard. Right? We wouldn't have so many struggles; there would be less sorrow in our hearts."

I had allowed a lie to slip in and and take up residence in my mind. Because I am too messy, not humble enough, not gentle enough, and not "godly" enough God would forever pour his wrath on me in the form of hardship and loss. This is all wrapped up in another lie I tell myself: I can win God's love. If only I am a gracious mother, solid wife and dutiful follower of Christ God will love me and pour favour down on me. It looks outrageous when I reread my words. I should know better. After all how many verses have I had to memorize about grace?

Through Breakthrough and Captivating I am beginning to discover lies I have grown to believe and need to let go of.

What lies do you hold on to?

Temple Love: Timing is Everything

2011-01-20T00:52:00.000-05:00

This is my best friend in Thailand. She is one of the best at taking care of her body! I cry when I think that we used to wear each other's clothes:(

This post is a few days late. (Sorry) I had a mediocre work out week last week. Here are some ~~family members~~ / things that got in the way:

I am an early bird. The morning offers many promises, one of them being a new start and a lot of energy. I also love those early morning moments where I can hear more of my thoughts and less fighting, playful noises and screaming. (Let's be real we are a loud family!) When I tried to work out in the afternoon or evening I wasn't into it and I didn't work out as hard.

Life can get in the way. Note to self: Plan appointments, chores, ~~children's illness, tantrums~~ and outings around your workout! I had a few appointments and meetings that kind of made workout times difficult.

Sleep is my friend. I can hear my children saying a collective AMEN in their sleep. If I don't sleep my workouts are rushed because my mornings move like molasses. I am up at 12:41 AM right now so I am still learning this lesson. Teachers don't make the best students!

I eat much better when there is a paper trail. I didn't record what I was eating last week and my eating was all over the place. I know some people find recording meals tedious but the control freak in me finds it satisfying.

Hope your week has been much more productive than mine!

Showing Marriage Some Love

2011-01-14T07:35:00.001-05:00

The women's and men's group at our church are getting together to plan a Valentine's Dinner. We have sorted out a lot of details and are really excited about this event. Along the way some have shared concerns about excluding single/divorced people. Although it is important to be inclusive I felt it equally important to support marriages.

In the first five years of our marriage my husband and I were part of a group of three couples who met every Sunday night. We prayed, had communion together, ate, and spent time together. The other two couples had children. We did not. This did not matter to my husband and I. We always commented on how much closer we felt after those evenings. Although the purpose was to grow in our faith we ended up growing in our marriage. I look back on those nights and they still fill me with some encouragement for the future.

The church we got married in was 100 years old. I was hoping that would inspire a long marriage.

Those evenings are long gone and we are all spread apart. I can tell you that one of the couples are on the way to divorce and my husband and I have been struggling for the past three and a half years. I often wonder if things would have been different if we had stayed in this group?

You can't see the depth of joy and determination I felt on that day.

I have also been thinking a lot lately about the programs/services etc... for married couples in churches. It occurred to me that I have heard of almost every program under the sun i.e. MOPS, AWANA, Men's Small group, Family Small Group, Ladies Bible Study, mentorship programs, children's Sunday programs, Sports, I can go on and on. I have never been to a church or heard of any churches that offer a couples/married group. I am not sure why this is such an unpopular group. The church is in the marriage business after all and nobody can ignore the blaring statistics on divorce. So why is there so little in the way of creating opportunities for couples to get together and support each other on this journey?

How does your church show marriage some love?

Temple Love: Working on the Work Out

2011-01-10T23:08:00.001-05:00

Working on the Work Out
I loved working out with our new Wii Fit from Monday to Friday. Sometimes my children worked out with me and sometimes it didn't quite work out having them around while I worked out. Most mornings they would play around me while I boxed, stepped and ran my way to fitness.

On two occasions my husband came downstairs to find toddlers dodging my rhythm lacking steps and my boxing moves. He found that situation overwhelming. I'll admit for most people it might have looked more zoo than family. But for me it worked. I could work out without the help of any one's schedule. My husband wasn't convinced. Later that night he asked why I couldn't work out while the kids were in bed. His comment felt a little like a misplaced slap in the face. I explained that I am a morning person and after being an active member of the children's lives for at least 12 hours a day the last thing I wanted to do was lift a finger, leg, butt cheek- anything. Men!

My hair paid a big price for this week of working out. For those of you who have naturally straight hair you won't get this- so just skip this and move ahead. For the rest of you on-line hugs will be needed. I enjoyed working out but not the feeling of sweat trickling through my scalp and leaving a trail of curls where I just wanted smoothness. Okay I sound like a baby- I'll stop.

With all the flu induced diets floating around the Internet I knew that food was going to be a problem. I have been sick 4 times in the last month and I have never found the courage to be sick of food. I used the old Weight Watchers Point system and I like that it forced me to be more conscious of what I put in my mouth. But by the 2 day I had used up all my extra points and craved more sweets than ever. I felt like I was thinking about food too much and that is never a good thing for me.

Looking forward to my exercise program with my Wii and eating well. (Thank goodness I finished all my Christmas chocolate last week!)

How did you show love to your temple?

Temple Love

2011-01-04T23:22:00.000-05:00

I am going where most women hate to go and wished didn't exist. I decided a week or two ago that I would try to start working out again. I bought the Wii for the children for Christmas and I also picked up the Wii Fit for my mom and myself.

The only big deals in my life (1997): my best friend and my big hair!

Days and body gone bye bye!

Most people blame their weight gain on pregnancy. I have the opposite problem due to my thyroid. I loose weight while I am pregnant. When I deliver I end up gaining weight like it is going out of style. This happens to some women. On their behalf I would like to ask God...pregnancy, childbirth, and this? Really? I think you could have stopped at childbirth God. But then again you know best- keeping my fingers crossed on that one.

For 13 years I have been telling myself that I am okay with weighing 60-80 pounds more than I was ever supposed to. I was always the skinny athletic girl. I was involved in sports and worked out quite a bit. I was one of those crazy people that loved to exercise. I worked out 6 days a week and became obsessed with the shape of my legs. I was determined to have legs like Nadia Comaneci. I carried her Danskin ad in my filo fax (so 1989).

In 1997 I gained 60 pounds- (no people it wasn't a typo). I had no idea that my body would betray me (with a little help from a trip to England.) That summer I graduated from University, went to England on my own, ended a relationship and started another one. I loved the shopping in England and bought all these amazing clothes I was sure I was going to need for work. I was in deep love with a particular brown and cream hounds tooth skirt. (I used to have style people- really I did!) I also bought all these shoes...sigh.

By the end of that year I had to kiss that skirt and all my other clothes goodbye because I gained 60 pounds in the matter of a few months. No one ever told me that your shoe size changes as you gain weight. I went from a 6 to an 8. My shoes went from my shopping bags to another woman's closet. I went to the doctor and asked how this could happen. He explained that I was eating too much. Okay... really?

Let's get to the readers digest version of how I found myself fat in my usually skinny self. I learned later that I have hypothyroidism and my thyroid was having a party on me. (Thanks Thy!)

So here I am almost 38 and looking ~~for~~ at my body with a little bit of a healthier perspective. I don't really have any weight amount in mind. I just want to show some love and respect to this temple and look good while doing it.

Who is ready for some temple love?

Rearview Joy

2011-01-03T00:02:00.003-05:00

I decided to take a look back and give thanks for the memories I was able to build with the people that matter the most in my life. This past year took us on some thrilling (not in a good way) turns. Even as I write this I have worries bouncing about. Thankfully we have the capability as humans to look back and maybe sigh a little, tear up a little, but most importantly live a little joy all over again!

Greg and I celebrated 10 years of marriage on Dec 23rd. Our life has taken some death defying drops but I am amazed at how God is holding us together even though we drift so far.

I will always feel like that little girl with ribbons in her hair who had a mother who dared to love me despite the mess I made! (And continue to make!)

Every Christmas (except one) for the past 5 years we have had a new baby to welcome into our family. They drive me to ~~drink~~ places I never imagined I wanted to visit- but the journey is worth it!

Happy New Year everyone!

This Miracle Business

2010-12-29T06:18:00.001-05:00

Since finding out the diagnosis of my eldest son and eldest daughter I have gone from feeling frustrated to feeling overwhelmed to feeling defeated. To most people Cohen and Hannah seem just fine. They are loving, sweet and playful. Most people don't know the daily (sometimes hourly) struggles they face. Regular tantrums are seen as just a phase and open defiance are met with awkward giggles. I try to explain that these are just glimpses into the bigger picture. But most people want to reassure me that everything is okay. Yet I know the diagnosis and I see that even though their actions may be similar to other children the outcome in the long run won't be the same. This is difficult to explain to most people.

When you adopt a child you hold that baby with one hand and hold their dreams with another. You hope that you can be the difference that their little life needs. Most times you don't have a lot of information about birth parents and sometimes what information you have is sketchy. You are just so in love with that perfect baby you can't bring yourself to think about what could be wrong. You are just so thrilled to "have" a baby!

I often share the story about when I first found out we were going to be Cohen's parents. My heart leaped out of the car and then rested back in it's place. I quickly realized Cohen wasn't mine. I handed him over to God. Somewhere along the way I think I may have taken him back. (Sorry God!) I spend huge amounts of time wondering if God knew what he was doing when he chose me as Cohen's parent. He must have not had his thoughts straight because he didn't realize how impatient and easily annoyed I get. How could he think that I could be a good enough parent for our children? My incessant worrying reveals my lack of trust in God to provide (emotionally) for our family.

So when I look at the scary future in front of me I realize that I can't find what I am looking for. There will always be scary statistics that tell me that most likely my son or daughter won't make it and most likely our family will fall apart under the pressure and most likely they will have devastating relationships with their siblings. But today God tapped me on the shoulder, pulled me into the shower with tears mingling with the beads of rain, and drew me to his feet. There I laid down my business and requested nothing short of a miracle. Now all I have to do is trust him and act on his promises to me.

Perhaps, instead of wringing my hands with worry, I need to get busy with what I can control. There's always something I can do to bring order to my situation. It's not a distraction technique ... it's an act of faith. Jesus is still in the business of miracles, and I definitely can't do those.

Dear Lord, forgive me when I focus more on my own limitations rather than Your power. There is nothing too great for You. Help me to turn my thoughts away from what I can't do, to what You have placed in front of me. I trust You to do the rest. In Jesus' Name, Amen. (From Encouragement for Today Proverbs 31 Ministries)

It Just Isn't Cool!

2010-12-23T00:01:00.002-05:00

I have been harbouring this hatred in my heart for a week now and I need to release it. You know the feeling when the very sight of something just sets you off. You see it in the corner of your eye and you must close your eyes just to get through the rest of your day? Well I have such a feeling about something I don't even want to name.

Cool Whip.

How appropriate for these two to co-habitat.

Two tubs that have more in common than you know!

Shameless!

There I said it and I never want to say those words again. Well maybe just for today. I am sorry for the millions of people I am about to offend. I just can't take it anymore. I feel so passionate about this that I wish they could just ban the stuff. It is false advertising and it makes me sick. You can't make a light soft drink and hide caffeine in it. So why can you make an oil product and then masquerade it around as a dairy product? I'm just saying... well asking. It's wrong people.

This all started when my mother asked me to make my trifle for her work party. I love making trifle it is is super easy, pretty and delicious! I gave my mother the list of things I needed over the phone. When it came time to discuss the whipping cream I went into great detail. It must come from a carton in the dairy section right next to it's cousin half and half. It must make a sound when you shake the carton and it must CERTAINLY not come in a tub!

I thought I was clear.

My mother arrived with the ingredients for the trifle and lounging in the plastic bag were 2 tubs of cool whip. I have no words... well maybe just a few. I mean how could she bring that impostor here. First it was the fake butter. And now this. I think my mom is trying to kill my passion for food. I'm not sure why. But the Cool Whip must go. This house isn't big enough for anymore tubs!

(By the way if you want the Cool Whip let me know and I will give it to you. As long as you live locally you can have it! I promise I won't judge you - openly.)

I just exhaled. I feel so much better.

Laundry 1 Mommy 0!

2010-12-21T00:01:00.003-05:00

There are lots of perks to living with my mother. My children grow up surrounded by love and get someone who is like a mommy but much, much better! My children love living with Grandma and most of them don't know childhood any other way.

But sometimes I get the feeling that my mom is embarrassed to live with me. Call me crazy but she rarely invites her friends over and doesn't entertain much any more. She is always going out for dinner and rarely brings friends back! I think I have figured out why none of her friends have graced our front steps - LAUNDRY!

These are clean socks that haven't found a home! I tried to entice my son to play a matching game with them but it didn't work!

Laundry is the beast in my life. I just can't seem to get a handle on it. The whole invention of laundry is very deceptive. They give you these machines that you just throw clothes into but nobody tells you that when you pull them out they just don't put themselves away. Nobody tells you that a family of six will never ever have empty laundry baskets. My mom has continually gone out to buy laundry bins because I keep filling them with clean clothes and never have ones to put dirty clothes in. It has gotten so bad that I am now using my bassinet as another laundry bin. (Sorry Ella-Shilloh!)

I realized that Kiran is seen often without a shirt. I just want to say that it has nothing to do with the laundry situation and everything to do with the boy gene!

Before our fourth child I used to manage to put away the laundry within the week they were washed but now clean clothes lay folded in baskets until they are pilfered through for long lost pyjamas and mismatched socks.

Speaking of mismatched, my mother cannot understand why she must be greeted with piles and piles of laundry when she comes home. She walks into the family room and just shakes her head. I hang my heavy head in shame. Laundry 1 Mommy 0! My mother makes suggestions and I just sink further into the couch hoping she won't notice the new pile that has grown in the baby's chair. (Where is my shame? Where is my dignity?) I have to find a way to conquer this laundry demon. I fear that people's suspicions about our weird homeschooling family will be confirmed when my children come to church in their underwear turned inside out! Help! Quick before I lose one of my children to piles of laundry!

Don't even get me started on these things!!!

How did you conquer the laundry demon?

Santa Who?

2010-12-15T22:12:00.005-05:00

So I have been going down a road I am not to familiar with lately. My eldest son has decided that Santa is real and to add insult to injury his Choir teacher cemented that thought by telling him that Santa is real! Well if the lady at church says it then... I conceded by telling him that we all have our right to our opinions and we also have the responsibility to respect the opinion of others. (Even if it is so wrong:)) So all weekend long I have been getting questions like:

Do reindeers fly?

Did Santa come to our house already?

Is Santa God's helper?

( My youngest son even squealed while looking out the window because he thought he saw the big guy!) I give up!

From a girl who grew up knowing very little about Santa and never believing in him (sorry if I ruined it for you adults out there!) I now have to engage in daily conversations about the whereabouts of this man with a belly made of jelly! I will tolerate these conversations but all the really cool gifts will always be from me! Sorry Santa!

Where are you kids on the Santa reality meter?

She's So Pretty!

2010-12-13T01:12:00.008-05:00

So this is a totally frivilous post. Don't say I didn't warn you. You are about to land in Lala land for sure now! I just wanted to tell the world that Ms. Ella-Shilloh has gone out and gotten her little ears pierced. If you could see me you would see that I am grinning like a silly monkey sitting on a heap of bananas!

Such a small thing to make a big fuss about!

I got my ears pierced when I was only a few days or weeks old. I think my grandmother did it. I can't get the story straight. Anyway, the minute Ms. Shilloh got those sparklies on her cute little lobes I just could not stop staring at her. All I kept thinking was "She's so pretty... oh so pretty..." Silly isn't it? As I sat there on the mall bench admiring her shinies my thoughts paused for a moment. Was it totally wrong for me to indulge in such a frivilous thing? What have I done to my daughter? Have I reduced her to an object to be accessorized and admired? Thankfully those thoughts didn't hang around long because those sparklies were so darn distracting. "She's so pretty ...oh so pretty..."

Silly, but too good not to share!

Eating our Words

2010-12-10T09:47:00.001-05:00

Okay, I have to explain. I am a big time snob when it comes to butter. I can be heard saying "butter is better" even in my sleep. But yesterday I had to eat those words with a big dose of margarine. My mom brought over some "butter like" margarine from her Black Friday shopping trip. She thought it was butter because of the packaging. I was a little suspicious when she announced that it cost .97 cents per package.

The suspect in all it's deceiving packaging!!!

We decided to make cookies for our neighbours. So I took out the individually wrapped sticks of ~~deceptive~~ margarine. We followed this recipe from Martha Stewart. It is a great recipe but you need to make sure you under cook the cookies a bit. I used mini marshmallows this time instead of the larger ones. No biggie. It still worked! The only other thing I would recommend is mixing the cocoa powder and the icing sugar first for the frosting. Make sure it is really well mixed.

About the Margarine:
I was a little nervous at first because the sugar and margarine did not appear to mix well in the beginning. It took a little longer for the fluffiness of this combination to materialize. But I turned up the speed and waited- something I am horrible at! It worked out in the end.

Another mini nervous breakdown occurred when I added the eggs and milk. The margarine hardened into little bits. I kept on mixing and added the flour and cocoa butter mixture.

Another confession: I used the margarine for the frosting too. I had to mix it in quite a bit but it was great! The frosting does harden a little bit (after a while) but it is still spreadable.

The verdict: It always comes down to taste. I can honestly say that the flavour was....well...hold on I am taking another bite...oh goodness crumbs...licking my lips...sigh...okay it was DELICIOUS! Maybe I don't have a well trained pallet or something but the flavour was the same as the butter ones! (Hanging my head in shame.) If I do find this margarine on sale at .97 cents again I will buy it for recipes like this. Don't expect me to use it for my Cinnamon Bun recipe or my Christmas pound cake either! I have to maintain some shred of my snob status!

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Gee Whiz! I'm Thankful!

2010-12-06T09:31:00.002-05:00

White blankets of snow
Christmas music all day long
Making pancakes with my littlest baker
Sweet sounds from a baby trying to join the conversation
Upcoming Christmas baking with the girls!
Snapping out of it!
Waiting to hear from God.

You've go to love the black Santa!

Some Crazy Christmas Spice!

2010-12-01T07:58:00.002-05:00

(ALMOST) WORDLESS WEDNESDAY

That's me in the big hair and equally big smile. I call this my Crazy Spice look! My mother is in the background probably shaking her head! I love this picture because it reminds me of joy of Christmas. I had just come to a new country and was home sick but the simplest things made me smile. From taking a picture to the new experience of having a cold Christmas to putting tinsel on a tree. Smiles. All around!

Decorating On Budget and In Style

2010-11-30T04:59:00.002-05:00

People give me strange looks when I tell them I plan a theme for my Christmas tree. Every year since I have been married we have gotten a real Christmas tree. Here are some of my tips for great Christmas decorating:

1. Start the year before! I know you have heard it many times but it is always a good idea to start purchasing ornaments right after Christmas. Last year we got those huge glass balls for $3.00 from $13.00. You can't beat savings like that.

2. Purchase one theme a year. Every year I add a new colour scheme to my collection. This year it was pink in honour of having a girl. Because I have added collections for about 10 years now I had a lot of other decorations to add to the tree without blowing my budget. Here is a break down for this years budget:
Tree 33.00
Decorations 24.00
That's it!

The only time my husband is allowed to touch my tree!

3. Picking a tree. Home Depot starts selling real Christmas trees on November 25th. Every year I try to be there on the first day. On this day you get the best trees. Don't get fooled into thinking all trees are alike either. The store clerk told me that there are variations in each category. So I always pick through the bunch looking for the biggest and fattest tree!

4. Repurpose. Since our budget is tight I try to repurpose decorations. This year I took our fall wreath and added some Christmas tree branches and some green balls to make a brand new wreath. The wreath cost me nothing. I also use old wreaths and strip them of their bling and start from scratch.

5. Think outside the tree! This year my theme was "A Woman's Dressing Table". Sounds crazy doesn't it? I try to come up with themes that are a little different. I used glass, crystals, feathers, and pink to bring this tree to life. I figure this tree is the only thing in my home that I can dress from head to toe without needing to adjust it to anyone's taste but my own. My husband and children will tell you that the tree is my little project. My children know to enjoy it - from a distance.

6. Set a special place aside to revisit the reason behind the decorating. As I put out the nativity scene I used it as an opportunity to go over the Christmas story with my children. I am really glad I started this little tradition.

I only use glass ornaments. I love the look and feel of them. However they are a bit of a hazard where children are concerned. My children never touch the tree. Except for this time that my brother-in-law and his family were over and we turned around to find our babies chewing on a glass ornament. Horror! Amazingly no one was hurt and they were cut free. Yikes! My brother-in-law lectured me about using glass ornaments and later sent me a child-safe ornament. (Which I have never used!)

Christmas for Boys!

2010-11-29T04:51:00.002-05:00

So this Christmas I am considering something that will go against everything I have said in the last 5 years. I am not only eating my words but I am taking big gulp full’s of them. We are considering getting a Wii for our children. My son is home schooled and very active. It takes huge amounts of energy to keep him stimulated and attentive. Sometimes I can’t seem to fill our days with enough activity. Other days I find myself chasing him as we run up and down every wall in our house. My son needs a way to get out some energy while I continue to mother the other three or catch my breath.

This holiday season Peace on Earth takes on a whole new meaning at our house. Join me at Blissfully Domestic and read about my journey into video-hood!

This Is UP!

2010-11-24T07:29:00.000-05:00

I made The Pioneer Woman's Cinnamon buns- I heart them!

Outside my window...It is black as night even though we are in the wee hours of the morning.
I am thinking...about the piles of laundry I have waiting for me around the house. My mother has given me 3 hours this morning to put it all away. I just can't seem to stay on top of the house work.

I am thankful for...24 hours with my best friend and her new baby (last Monday)!

Isn't she beautiful?

Love all around!

Beautiful mommy, beautiful baby!

The happy girls!

From the learning rooms...we have been on holidays for a few days. (One of the perks of homeschooling)
Yesterday we got back to our routine and Cohen moved up a level in reading. I am so proud of him. His printing is so much better and his love of science is so encouraging.
From the kitchen...Waffles! Waffles! Waffles! I have discovered my new favourite food! I have also discovered celery root. I can't wait to by more to put in soups!

I am wearing...pyjamas and loving it!
I am creating...my menu for my New Years Eve party. It will be small but I am really looking forward to hanging out with my closest friends and our family.

I am reading...blogs. I love "The Little Apartment." Such cute ideas!
I am hoping...To get our real tree tomorrow!
Around the house...laundry piles are waiting for me!

One of my favorite things...CHRISTMAS MUSIC!
A few plans for the rest of the week:
1. Decorate the house for Christmas
2. Decorate the house for Christmas
3. Decorate the house for Christmas

Here are some pictures from my first trade show- She Made It! It was a lot of hard work but worth it. I loved bringing this group of women together to promote their products. I learned a lot about taking risks, starting a business and encouraging others. What a blessing this event was to me!

Epicure Selections with Hilda

African Soles- Awesome project!!!

Cherryappleart

Marianne's Face painting. (That's Hannah- our little tiger!)

Heritage Makers- awesome publishing!

Hats by Jackie

African Soles

Lucky 7 Designs

Melissa from Mummy Nuggle?

Crystal from Wee Ones

Karla from Avon!

Thanks ladies for participating in such an awesome day!

What's up with you?

I got these starters from blog.http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com/ !

Better Late!

2010-11-09T07:37:00.001-05:00

Their superhero capes from Little Ra's. They loved them!

I spent the first 7 years of my life in the Caribbean on a little island called Dominica. I had never heard of Halloween and when we moved here we still didn't celebrate it. So when I had kids I struggled with this whole idea of Halloween. I am still not sure what my thoughts are - so I went ahead and used the amazing costumes that my friend gave us. Just perfect for our family. I guess it was time to hang up the Spiderman pyjamas my son had been using as a costume!

Yes! I know I am a little late in posting this but these pictures disappeared for a week and I just found them. When they vanished I thought it was a sign or something! Crazy- I know.

The spicy little pumpkin!

Best Zebra face-ever!

All the candy they didn't get to eat!

She Made It!

2010-11-06T08:32:00.000-04:00

Last night I was invited to a trade show where women shared their products and services while I sipped on a girly drink. It was really lovely. I am in the midst of planning my own trade show with a similar concept. Lately I have been feeling a little unmotivated and discouraged about my newest venture. Last night I was reminded why I started this in the first place.

I love meeting women who have a story. And because every woman has a story, I couldn't help but want to soak in every bit of it. As I went from booth to booth I heard the stories of how women got inspired to start their business and what keeps them going. There were a few that didn't sell much but that didn't seem to hinder their passion and joy for their craft. I learned that sometimes pursuing your dream takes hard work that doesn't always pay off right away. Listening to theses women I saw that creativity bursts through life in so many different ways. I was reminded about why I started Marmee's Circle. Women with creativity and determination are awe-inspiring!

Meeting Melissa from Mummy Nuggle was one of the highlights of the evening. Melissa has twin girls and sews beautiful aprons (for both ladies and girls) along with some dresses and other pretty things. We chatted about the late nights and desire to constantly defend our choices. Both of us left the teaching world to stay home with our children. We also share a common faith. Meeting Melissa was the highlight of the evening because she had such a pleasant attitude that radiated from all the sweet touches on her products. This is what I call awe-inspiring. I look at these women and their determination (with twins, careers, tight budgets, late late nights) and I am in awe and inspired to do more and do it better.

So I am going full speed with She Made It! Because when a woman makes it, it makes such a difference in so many lives!

What dream are you reminded to hold on to?

Planned to the Plate

2010-11-05T02:54:00.000-04:00

I posted pictures of my old kitchen a few days ago. It was so easy to be presentable with those perfectly white planned to the plate cabinets. When I designed it I made sure everything had a place and there was not much to distract anyone from it's beauty. I remember when we first completed the kitchen I would come down the stairs just to stare at it. The white cabinets and nearly naked counter tops gave me such peace. They were little pats on the back that I was doing something right!

Now I find reminders of my inability to find a place for everything- even egg carton creatures!

We had another home school family over for the day. It's great when you meet people who you can just hang out with. While the kids (all 7 of them) played (very well) the moms chit chatted about home school, church, cooking, home decor... I apologized continually for my lack of "perfect nestiness" and my getting sorted while she was over. I was a little distracted because I felt that I should have had the chocolate-banana-coconut-walnut (exhale) bread baked before they arrived. I was initially thrown because I wanted to have the fruit washed and set out in my white matching trays. I was a bit off put because I wanted the croissant sandwich station to be sorted and plated before the kidlets were hungry. So I apologized, heart sinking and disappointments lingering.

I asked my friend why I couldn't be like The Nester or the Pioneer Woman or any other perfectly held together bloggy mom on the planet. Why do I have stacks of stuff, piles of papers, and baskets of crafts laying about. Why can't things find a home in my home. I felt like a two year old throwing a tantrum...Why? NO FAIR! HMMM!

So the grace fell out of her mouth and drifted on to my heart. She reminded me of the baby that still cried for me, the other 3 that can't be left out of sight and the banana bread that shared a little of itself through my oven vent. She gave me permission to live in a little chaos- for now. I needed that. Thank you Ms. S!

Cooking B.K. (Before Kids)

2010-11-02T21:14:00.000-04:00

My old kitchen...Oh how i miss thee! I almost forgot we have napkin rings!

Remnants of my B.K. life!

When I visit the Pioneer Woman's blog I salivate, not only because of her delicious looking food but because of the seemingly domestic bliss she lives in. I love cooking, trying new recipes, creating menus that require pen to paper and numerous trips to grocery stores that crisscross towns.

Due to our full young family and single income I find it difficult to indulge in my favourite past time. The feeling of excitement as I anxiously poured through my various cook books and magazines is indescribable. I loved planning a meal based on deliciously frivolous criteria. For a shower for a colleague during the holiday season I decided to make a green and white menu. Everything had to be naturally green and white. I even found fresh white asparagus!!! Good times!

Another favourite before kids cooking memory was taking cooking classes at the local LCBO. For my American friends that is where Canadians get their alcohol. My friend and I learned how to cook an entire menu Parisian style.

My favourite spot...I had to leave behind!

Holidays were especially delicious at our house. I used to make Valentine's dinner for my husband which included mini lemon meringues in lemons! Oh the good old days. Then I had a year where I was obsessed with creme brule. I even bought a mini hand held torch. I was intense! That same year I made a ice cream cake covered in baked meringue icing. (Another Martha Stewart favourite!) Then I decided to make homemade ice cream for Christmas gifts! True joy!

There was the Julia Child baking phase where I baked croissants, focaccia, cinnamon rolls, bagels to my hearts and my husband's content. These required trips to the back rooms of grocery stores to find fresh yeast. I had to do a lot of convincing to let them sell it to me. Fun times! Truly! One day I will be able to indulge in real vanilla beans, unbottled Parmesan cheese, and black truffle oils again... one day!

Pardon my trip down memory lane but I just miss the good old days where I could go to great lengths to make a meal spectacular. For now the basics will have to do.

Just Wading Around

2010-11-01T08:07:00.000-04:00

I try to get some quiet time before I get the kids up to reflect and pray- a little. Today I came across some words of wisdom. Each morning I visit the Proverbs 31 Ministries. I usually find inspirational devotions that motivate me to stay on track. Today was no exception! I just wanted to share this simple but true statement form Marybeth's post.

I wanted to be a mother but I didn't want the sleepless nights and being stretched to the point of breaking. I wanted to be married but I didn't want to learn how to get along with another person day in and day out, to discover what sacrifice really means. I wanted to be a novelist but I didn't want to have to work so hard to make it happen. I wanted to lose weight but I didn't want to exercise daily or control my cravings. I wanted what I wanted, and God used those desires to build my character along the way, and draw me closer to Him in the process.

Sometimes when you are in the middle of a storm your only focus is how to get out and survive that storm. Lately that has been my mindset. How to I get through marriage difficulties, challenges with my children and financial worries. I just want to get to the other side unscathed! Marybeth reminded me that the wading is where I will learn the most. I have the potential to grow some fruit and nourish the lives that rely on me. The opportunity to really shine is greater in this darkness.

I am looking forward to coming out the other end today but I am also going to take a new look at my challenges! How about you?

Swimming In Our Pyjamas!

2010-10-28T18:42:00.001-04:00

Have you gone swimming in your pyjamas lately?

I am sure you have but you don't even know it. Our sons have swimming on Thursday nights. So naturally I wanted to make bedtime on that night easier. My eldest son suggested that I dress them in their pyjamas. What a great idea. I guess he has gotten use to me bringing pyjamas with us when we go to parties, small groups - well anywhere. So this has become our thing. I am sure it isn't anything new to most of you. but swimming in our pyjamas is phrase that I use when we have thought of something that saves us both time and aggravation.

How do you swim in your pyjamas?

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Sleeping Mommy & The Beast: Lessons Learned

2010-10-26T23:02:00.000-04:00

I am a bit delayed in writing about how my week of sleep went. Well I slept well for 5 out of the 7 days. Most days I went to bed before the 11:00 deadline. (Right now it is 10:51 PM so we will see if I make it tonight.)

What I discovered:

-more sleep equals greater memory
I didn't seem to forget things as much and I didn't have a million thoughts racing through my mind. (Even though I had a million children racing through my house.)

-I didn't really get more done but I enjoyed what I was doing!
Usually I stay up to bake, blog or tidy. I blogged less and didn't do much baking. Even though I have felt a little down lately, it didn't feel as overwhelming as it normally would. I could really "sleep off" some stress. Now I know why my husband loves sleep so much!

-I actually had more motivation to do stuff WITH my children instead of doing stuff to or for them.
We read a lot more books together. We went for walks and outings. It didn't seem like as much of a challenge.

AND the BIGGIE!
Even though you could hear me ~~yelling~~ talking to my kids ~~from across the street~~ I could muster up some patience to speak to Cohen with out losing it. (I'm still working on the other two.)

Well it is exactly 11:00 so I must click out! See you in the morning!

How was your sleep?

Growing Faith @ Blissfully Domestic

2010-10-19T07:34:00.002-04:00

I always imagine that children who grow up to serve God come from polished Christian homes and not my holding-it-together-with-a-safety-pin home. Life has been pretty tough for us lately. I frequently wonder how this is affecting my kids. I want to be the mom that can really display God working in her life to them. But many times I fall short. My tone, my voice, my impatience are all reminders of where I am and where God wants me to be.

Then the little one shocks me. His big brown eyes shining with joy. Out of nowhere he asks me about making Jesus his forever friend. I am giddy with so much excitement that I can hardly contain myself. Where did he get the inspiration? Clearly not from our life, I think to myself. He’s traveled on this rocky road with us and he still wants to make Jesus his forever friend?

Read my post on Growing Faith in Your Children at Blissfully Domestic today!

Sleeping Mommy & The Beast

2010-10-17T23:34:00.003-04:00

Boy! I wish I could pass out like that!

It is surprising that almost all my friends are amazing sleepers. These girls are not just getting to bed and getting their 8 hours, most of them actually get more. Some (who will remain nameless- ~~Libby)~~ have trained their children to play quietly while they sleep. I am waiting for a tutorial on this one! My best friend and I lived together during our university days and I can tell you I knew better than to disrupt her sleep.

For some reason I am not a good sleeper. I stay up waaaaaay too late ~~trying to get stuff done~~ blogging. and I can't seem to stay asleep past 6:00 AM. What is wrong with me? I do have one little pea on my mattress (my newborn) who can keep me up. She really likes to cuddle in bed and I love it too. So I am consulting the sleep experts and I am going on a sleep challenge for the week. If it goes well this week I may try it for the month.

FYI- the real reason behind this challenge is to see if sleeping will make a big difference in my mood and irritability. I usually blame those two beasts on my thyroid condition but let's face it - I am not getting enough sleep. I also want to see if I will get just as much done with more sleep. I can't imagine not pulling an all nighter every once in a while baking cupcakes, cleaning up, blogging, promoting the trade show etc..

So here are my sleeping rules:
1. Children in bed by 7:00. I need some quiet time to unwind.
2. Mommy in bed by 11:00. (I was going to start tonight but it is 11:18 and I am still typing this! I know! I know!)
3. No computer past 10:00. That is going to hurt. How am I going to fit everything in?
4. Bedtime routine (Quiet reflective time, herbal tea, hit the sack! Hopefully without the baby.)

Wish me sweet dreams!

On another note check out my post about Growing Faith in Your Children at Blissfully Domestic today!

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Look What The Boys Are Getting for Christmas!

2010-10-16T08:20:00.000-04:00

Loving This!

I found this cute local on-line (what a concept) store. Little Ras makes the cutest children's clothing I just had to share. We are getting these cute capes for Christmas presents for the boys. You can order the exact colours you want. We are going with green and blue capes with orange circles and brown trim. I can't wait. I considered getting pink and brown capes for the girls but they are a little young. Truthfully I wanted one for myself but... the line has to be drawn somewhere. Don't you love when you stumble across something so delicious?

Don't you want one?

Making Hard Decisions

2010-10-14T08:08:00.002-04:00

I was visiting over at The Faith Barista and I was awed by her discussion on making hard decisions. Earlier this week I spoke about a period of sadness I am experiencing. This sadness is fueled by a desire to make a choice.

When I am tormented by a decision it is because one of the choices agitates something I value. I am tortured with the thought of valuing happiness (presumed happiness) over commitment. I have had this discussion with dear and gracious friends who shed light and warmth on this for me. At the end of the conversation I am faced with the question, "What are you going to do?". Each time my throat tightens and I want to say, "I don't want to do anything." Yet in the back of my mind there is a voice questioning this lack of action. This voice urges me to think that there is something wrong with not acting and making decisions.

You have to understand that I have always enjoyed making decisions and following them through no matter how impossible. I have done things that people told me I couldn't do or that would scare most people. This is due to my willingness to just jump in, pick a side, and move forward. So this place of in-action and indecision is new for me.

I am beginning to realize that this is where God might want me to be. After reading The Faith Barista's post I realized that God wants complete reliance on him. Not on my ability to get the job done, make decisions in a flash or stick to the plan. God wants me to rely on his grace to forgive and his word to guide. It feels like I am opening my eyes for the first time in this area. Like opening your eyes for the first time on a bright morning it stings a little. It may take some time to get used to just waiting for God to speak or move in our lives. My inability to make a decision is God's way of starting his job in this area of my life.

Sitting with Sadness

2010-10-11T08:21:00.001-04:00

A strange feeling came over me. I felt sadness. I rarely feel sad. My emotions usually leap to anger. Yet this Thanksgiving I struggled with this sadness. It waited for me at most corners. It lingered behind the sweet coos of my baby and the scenes of childhood in my home. Tears would form little pools behind over sized sunglasses. I have been pushing it away for months now. Putting off the grieving and dealing with the trauma I endured. I filled my summer days with outings galore, friends, girl's nights and activity. I couldn't afford to stand still - even with a newborn. Now I look around and I survey the damage and I feel the crash of sadness.

A friend pointed out to me that I laugh to hide pain. I didn't agree at the time. Laughter is just a part of me. That big annoying cackle is just what I was born with. Then sadness came and sat with me for a while. I couldn't laugh anymore. I missed it. Every time I spoke to someone I wanted to laugh even while the words were aching. It was tempting to lace my e-mails with humour even when I spoke of my sadness to my friends. Even now I find it hard to focus on the pain I am soaking in. I want to run to the quickest funny. I learned this weekend that I love to laugh because I could put people at ease.

My laughter never felt fake or put on to me. It was as easy as breathing. Showing the weight that I carried meant that I couldn't be enjoyed. Sitting with my sadness out in the open made me uncomfortable. I didn't want to burden anyone or ask too much. I hate being the one that needed fixing or helping. I wanted to make the people around me light not heavy with the load of my problems. This year has been especially hard because I have had to lean on a lot of people. I feel this inner struggle to share but not to overwhelm or bring people down. More importantly sadness seemed unchristian to me. What does God do with my sadness anyway?

So now I am sitting with my sadness. I am looking at it in the eye. We have been skirting around each other for a while. But the time is here for our first formal meeting. I don't know how long I will be here. I do know why I am here though. The decisions that are weighing on me are calling me to wrestle with thoughts that I would much rather bury. If you ask me how I am doing and I say not very good. Please don't think you have to do anything. If you can't sit with me where I am- wait for me where you are. It will take a while but I hope to join you.

Have you ever had to sit with your sadness?

Chicken Chowder- Freezer Style

2010-10-08T00:01:00.002-04:00

Today I am visiting Sweet Jeannette. I love this site because it makes me wish I was southern and who can resist recipes that hug your tummy and your appetite?

Hi everyone, I am so happy to visit this yummy part of blog world. Here is a little about my self. I am a former elementary school teacher who has decided to stay home to raise my 4 children (5 and under). Our life is very busy and has it's share of ups and downs. I try to sweeten it by giving my children meaningful experiences that don't cost much and a decent meal made with my own loud-sometimes-messy-always-willing-to-try-something-new kind of love. Hope you enjoy the recipe!

I love having dishes in the freezer for those days of shopping for the holidays and busy weeks with the kids. It is nice to know you have a meal ready to go that everyone will enjoy. We recently made this for our Kitchen Club at church. One of the members called the next day to say how much the family enjoyed it. I try to put as many vegetables as I can for the kids.

Pretty isn't it? I love it when food looks this good!

You can use any kind of chicken you want. We used thighs at the Kitchen Club.

I thought about making a Chicken Chowder and then a Chicken Pot Pie. I use the Chicken Chowder recipe to make my chicken pot pie. Now I have more 'splaining to do because usually I cook/bake from scratch, but sometimes I use a base for my chowder. (Also, they were on sale.) I hope you enjoy making them.

Ingredients:

The Soup

3 tablespoons of butter

1 large Shallot minced

2 medium carrots diced

1/2 head of broccoli

4 fresh corn (cut)

1 cup of fresh peas

3 cans of clam chowder (buy a good quality one)

2 cups of milk

sprinkle of celery seed (or you can use 2 celery sticks if you like)

3-4 sprigs of fresh thyme

salt and pepper to taste

1 large garlic clove minced

4 Chicken legs or Two chicken breasts

The Pie Part

2 cups of Bisquick mix (I make my own in bulk. I use it for bisquicks, my cowgirl casserole, and pancakes.)

1 cup of milk

3/4 cup of grated cheese

1/4 cup of flour

Once the chicken is cooked, remove the chicken and cut it up. Return the chicken to the pot and stir.

Divide the soup into two containers. Serve some of the soup as it is and reserve some for freezing.

Pot Pie Part

Mix the Bisquick mix, flour and grated cheese together. Make a well in the middle and add the milk. Stir with a fork and form it into a ball. If it is very sticky add a little more floor. It should feel soft and a little sticky not wet. Turn dough onto a work surface and shape into the shape of your dish making sure it is not more than 1/2 an inch.

Use a sharp knife (it will make them rise higher) to cut the dough into diamonds. Place the dough on the dish.

Your pot pie is ready for freezing. There are several options when it comes time to bake your pot pie. You can just place the dish in the freezer as is. If you want your dough to rise higher you can half bake them and then freeze. Or you can bake the whole thing and freeze it and reheat.

Let the pot pie defrost in the refrigerator. Don't forget to brush with some melted butter. Place in a very hot oven (425) and bake for 15-18 minutes (until the tops are golden brown.)

From our kitchen to your table.

Heard around the table...

"Mom you are the best maker." Kiran 3 years old

"Amazing." Greg 40 somehting

"Can I have some more biscuits please?" Cohen 5 years old

"Yummy, Yummy for my tummy!" Kiran

Pin drops, crickets chirping, pregnant pauses. Hannah 2 years old (Think she liked it!)

Thanks for the visit Jeanette!

Myrtle from Myrtle's Turtles

My Day Book

2010-10-06T04:10:00.001-04:00

FOR TODAY

Outside my window... It is dark and quiet because it is 3:51 AM. Great time of the day to get things done. The air is a lot cooler.

I am thinking... about my new trade show, She Made It! I can't wait for all these talented women to get together and show the world what they are made of!

I am thankful for...a smooth operation yesterday. I was nervous about this because their is always risk no matter how routine. My kids were well taken care of by their grandma and the doctors were awesome.

From the learning rooms...We are still working on the number 5 at Home Sweet School. On Monday we went to the library and the gym. Exercise is so good for our son. He really needs it! When we got back we sat down to do some science (watching our avocado see grow), he was very focussed. We have had some bumpy bits in the last week but I pray that he will settle down and I will learn to sit with his inability to sit.

From the kitchen...On Saturday our Kitchen Club met at church for the first time. We made about 42 meals for under 360.00 dollars! We worked really well together and got a lot done. I was so grateful for this time. Even though I didn't plan it, the cooking session came in handy because I was able to use one of the meals for dinner after the surgery.

I am creating...a new vision for our Christmas Breakfast. I love planning stuff like this. My inspiration is Elizabeth and Mary (and Jesus of course!) and fruit. Can't wait for all the ideas to start flowing.

I am hoping...that I can seriously pray for change in my heart. I really want God to help me breath and live the lessons I am trying to teach our children. (I posted this last time... and I am still there. Please pray for me.)

A few plans for the rest of the week: Tomorrow is my favourite day because we have MOPS. A great time where mothers meet and share. My two sons also have AWANA in the evening. On Friday we meet up with our homeschool group.

Here is a picture for sharing:

B-L-I-S-S!

Weird Fact About Us: Our children know that Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy aren't real. My 5 year old son has had some interesting debates. He has been instructed to respect differing opinions.

Join in the fun! Share your day with The Simple Woman's Day Book.

"Would you like to linger on the simple things...then join me and many others in taking a little look into the day plans and thoughts of those who are focusing on simplicity...beauty of the everyday moments. "
http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com

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Seasoned Friend: Join me at Blissfully Domestic

2010-10-03T06:30:00.004-04:00

Our friendship survived university (apart), marriages and my first child. Then she was gone. No harsh words were exchanged. No uncomfortable moments were sliced between us. The friendship just dissolved like ice into lukewarm water. I wanted to know, what I did to create this divide.

My lost friend story stood out like a badge of shame. Women are not supposed to lose friendships. Our whole identity is wrapped up in the fact that we are nurtures and caretakers of relationships. We shake our head at men because they could learn so much from us about friendships.

Join me at Blissfully Domestic while I share what happens when your friendships dissolve.

You can also join the discussion and share your stories of friendships lost.

Faith Holds

2010-10-02T00:01:00.020-04:00

A few months ago my friend Cam sent me a link to a great website. I immediately fell in love with the encouraging posts and soothing images. I was new at this blogging thing and thought that I could "live" in this "beach-house" for a while. I submitted my request to write for them. I waited and waited... and nothing happened. So I went around living life and holding on to the hope of writing for this awe-inspiring site.

Sometime in August I received the e-mail about guest posting for (In)courage. I screamed my typical 13 year old squeal and tried not to wake the baby. I was so humbled by the opportunity to write for this site. The opportunity to share a very personal story with a group of women who would embrace it with care was as Lisa-Jo put it - couch jump worthy!

As soon as I got the news about this great posting opportunity I knew what God wanted me to write about. It was a story I carried in my heart and had written on my mind. I knew one day I would be given the right time to share. Please join me at (In)courage as I share a story of how my faith held our family during one of the most horrific times in our lives.

Did I Mention I Just Had a Baby?

2010-10-01T02:59:00.002-04:00

Recently I launched my website Marmee's Circle. I loved creating this website and imagining how I could inspire and be inspired by women, their products and their stories. I set out working on the website late at night while everyone slept and smiled with excitement (to myself). Did I mention that I had just had a baby?

I didn't stop there. I wanted a launch party where I would bring some of these awe-inspiring women together. We had a blast looking at the fruits of our labour. We savoured beautiful lip balms, hair pieces, paper art, knitwear and more! I should have just sat back and savoured the taste of our efforts at connecting and sharing. I didn't. Instead I was inspired to have a trade show. That is how She Made It! was born. I wanted everyone to see what I saw and experience the talents of our little town. Did I mention that I had just had a baby?

Then I started a second blog about homeschooling. Oh yeah I forgot to mention, at around the same time as the baby, website, launch, and trade show decision - I made the decision to home school our son! Wouldn't it be fun to record my trials and joys of homeschooling my "energetic" kindergartner? Oh yeah! By now you know that I just had a baby!

Recently I sat back and I thought, "What is wrong with you? Can't you just sit still and be bored for a while? You know, watch your new born's hair grow, chose nail polish colours, read a magazine, brush your hair... nap... you know...just breath?" Apparently that concept doesn't sit well with me. For some reason God created me with a desire to create. Whether it is a concept, website, meals, or a trade show, I was made to create.

When I feel anxious, angry, sad or frustrated, I write. When life overwhelms me with chaos and confusion I plan events and outings. It soothes me in a way I can't explain and brings me closer to the people I love.

Tomorrow Join me at (In)courage as a I share how God helped our family during a traumatic time.

Guacamole

2010-09-28T07:36:00.003-04:00

On Friday we hosted a Mexican Night at our church. It was lots of fun. I was very nervous because we tried out a new menu and I wasn't sure how it would go. Thankfully everyone was happy and looked liked they were enjoying the food. The food was largely done by two talented ladies with very efficient kitchen skills. We had pulled pork tacos (can anyone say yum in Spanish?), nachos, 4 Mexican salads, sundaes... I better stop I am getting hungry again! It was awesome. I made my guacamole. (I wish I could come up with a cute name for it but how many words rhyme with guacamole? Chipotle, holy- can't go there, I give up!)

Remember I said the the secret ingredient to any recipe is you? (Borrowed from Kung Fu Panda - I have two boys and that's all I am going to say!) Well sometimes the secret ingredient comes in a little glass container called a jar. Read on and enjoy!

4 Avocados (Ripe)* mashed
5-6 cloves roasted garlic** (You can substitute with raw garlic, but roasted is much better)
1 cup of mild or hot salsa depending on you taste buds (shhhh secret ingredient)
1 teaspoon of lime (or lemon) juice
1/4 cup of sour cream (You can add this if you like your guacamole a little light on flavour and texture)
Salt to taste

Combine all the ingredients and blend to ensure smoothness. Make sure the garlic is mixed in properly. Cover (make sure to press directly on the guacamole) with a plastic wrap to prevent discolouring. Apparently you can add to the seeds of the avocado to ensure the guacamole stays green.

From our kitchen to your table!

*You can ripen avocados by placing them in a paper bag with some apples. Poke a few holes in the bag and voila!
** To roast garlic cut off the tops and rub with olive oil. Place in the oven at 350 until the juice from the garlic oozes and turns brown. The garlic should be soft and sticky.

How to dice an avocado:

Smack the knife into the seed so it pierces it. Twist the seed and it should come out clean. Try not to squeeze the avocado too much while you are doing this.

Score the flesh with horizontal and vertical cuts with a knife.

Scoop out the flesh with a spoon.

Weekend Wrap Up

2010-09-25T13:29:00.001-04:00

I have been away for a little bit. Very busy with our Mexican night on Friday. I had a lot of fun planning the event and really wanted us to provide something very special for the ladies. Some of my crafty attempts were a bit disappointing. I may have lost the crafter's touch. Oh well...

This was my inspiration...

I tried...

On a personal note...

The boys started their joint swimming lessons this week. I love watching their relationship develop into a more loving and supporting one. (Don't think for a moment that they are like this all the time.) Even though it is not very good quality... I will cherish this photo.

We have a winner!
Patricia Caputo-Price won the Marmee's Circle gift pack. Her inspiring comment about what really matters made her stand out the most. Thanks to all the other participants for visiting our site and leaving a comment. Patricia's prize pack (say that fast 5 times) includes a Rock Star necklace from Cherryappleart, a pack of holiday cards from Lucky 7 Designs, and a Nappy Pail from Sew Me. All the items are being personalized just for Patricia. Thanks to all the other participants for visiting our site and leaving a comment.

Lucky 7 Designs

Here is Patricia's winning comment:

What insipires me most is when I see children that have less than ideal parents. It Insipres me to try harder to be a better mother to my children. I believe our society has become enthralled with materialistic goals and you often find parents so wrapped up in their jobs trying to gain their financial goals they tend to neglect the emotional needs of their children. Often...most people seem to be having children for the wrong reason...they think it will give them some kind of status boost if they can say they are "married with children" when in fact the reason you should chose to have children is to share the love between spouses and to watch that grow and flourish within your children.

Just beautiful!

What's New
Marmee's Circle is hosting Durham's first trade show featuring products made and promoted by women. On November 20th 2010 everyone will see what all the planning is about. I have to say I have stopped myself many times along the way. I am always full of ideas. Some are small and most are big. Sometimes I wonder why I don't dream small. I know we are taught to dream big and see beyond our limits. However, I often wonder if I should just slow down a little... after all I just had a baby! That would not be me. I keep busy to know that I am alive and still be passionate about my life.

Thanks for hanging in while I was hanging out!

Chicken For Two (Meals)

2010-09-21T00:01:00.002-04:00

When the weather starts turning on me (by getting colder) I turn to my soups for comfort and warmth. We have this great little farmers market near our house and what a treat it was. I wish I had taken some pictures! There were butter-tarts (you know how much I love me some butter tarts), fresh vegetables, fresh sweet popped corn, sausages to die for and the best honey I have ever tasted. I spent about 40.00 there. I could have doubled that. Oh and I almost forgot about the cheese and rye bread. Ohhhh I need to write this recipe quick- I'm salivating!

So I picked up all the fresh ingredients from this very sweet farmer. He caught my eye because he was so polite and attentive. He found my kids amusing so naturally he was a good catch- for my friend's sister. I don't know if it was the pollen I tried at the previous stand or the smell of sweet popped corn but he made a good impression on me. I vowed to return with my friend's sister in tow. We will see what happens. Okay I have some 'splaining to do... I love to match make. It is one of my most favourite actives. I dream about opening a match making service one day!

Now for the recipe. With all these fresh vegetables I thought about making a Chicken Chowder and then a Chicken Pot Pie. I use the Chicken Chowder recipe to make my chicken pot pie. Now I have more 'splaining to do because usually I cook/bake from scratch, but sometimes I use a base for my chowder. (Also, they were on sale.) I hope you enjoy making them.

Ingredients:
The Soup
3 tablespoons of butter
1 large Shallot minced
2 medium carrots diced
1/2 head of broccoli
4 fresh corn (cut)
1 cup of fresh peas
3 cans of clam chowder (buy a good quality one)
2 cups of milk
sprinkle of celery seed (or you can use 2 celery sticks if you like)
3-4 sprigs of fresh thyme
salt and pepper to taste
1 large garlic clove minced
4 Chicken legs or Two chicken breasts

The Pie Part
2 cups of Bisquick mix (make this bulk version from cooks.com and never have to buy it again!)
1 cup of milk
3/4 cup of grated cheese
1/4 cup of flour

Put butter in a large heavy pot and melt over medium heat. Add shallots, carrots, corn, broccoli, garlic, salt and pepper and cook until tender. Add clam chowder, milk, garlic, celery, fresh peas and chicken. Cook until it has thickened a bit and the chicken is cooked.

Once the chicken is cooked, remove the chicken and cut it up. Return the chicken to the pot and stir.

Serve some of the soup as it is or freeze some for later. I usually remove the amount I need for the pot pie and place it in the dish I will use.

Pot Pie Part

Mix the Bisquick mix, flour and grated cheese together. Make a well in the middle and add the milk. Stir with a fork and form it into a ball. If it is very sticky add a little more floor. It should feel soft and a little sticky not wet. Turn dough onto a work surface and shape into the shape of your dish making sure it is not more than 2/4 of an inch.

Use a sharp knife (it will make them rise higher) to cut the dough into diamonds. Place the dough on the dish and brush with butter. Place in a very hot oven (425) and bake for 15-18 minutes (until the tops are golden brown.

From our kitchen to your table.

Heard around the table...
"Mom you are the best maker." Kiran
"Amazing." Greg
"Can I have some more biscuits please?" Cohen
"Yummy, Yummy for my tummy!" Kiran
Pin drops, crickets chirping, pregnant pauses. Hannah

Going Back to My Roots!

2010-09-20T00:23:00.000-04:00

My Mom and Cohen enjoying the steel pan. This man was the most enthusiastic performer I have ever seen. It was almost child-like!

This Sunday afternoon my mom and the kids spent some time at the Toronto Natural Hair and Beauty show. I didn't want to bring the kids but my mom insisted. This event took me back to the first neighbourhood I lived in when I came to Canada. This neighbourhood is now just called The Hood. For some very scary reasons. I have to say when I lived there I had no idea it had a reputation. We went to the church across the street from our building and went to the school beside the church. I felt pretty safe in my cozy community blanket. And who wanted to admit that their early beginnings were from The Hood anyway?

Colourful hair designs!

So after 30 years I stepped back to the place where my Canadian life began. I see faces that hold pieces to my past and I feel comforted and connected. We are here to celebrate the natural black hair movement. It has been over 1 year since I stopped chemically straightening my hair. I made the decision after I found out I was pregnant with our fourth child. I said good bye to hair that would behave when it woke up and not grow into a mountain of frizz on the first wave of humidity. It has been a troublesome road going natural. As a teen and for most of my adult life I wouldn't be caught dead with frizzy (and don't even mention nappy) hair. Smooth, straight, and long were the only words I wanted associated with my hair.

Loved seeing the beautiful braids on the little girls.

Going back to the hood and the natural hair show I was surprised that I felt pride. I didn't care if anyone could see the unruly curls peeking out from under the smooth bits. I didn't even think about my hair that much to be honest. I was too busy admiring the locks of all the women around me. I also was grateful that I took my mother's suggestion to bring the kids. My boys were soaking in every piece of visual beauty in front of them. Where we live they are not exposed to these sites and sounds. I forgot how important it was to give their roots a home. As my almost three year old danced to the steel pan playing rasta and my older son looked wide eyed, I was filled with awe and gratitude.

Afro-tar! The most creative hair team. (In my opinion.)

Loved this woman's (the one in the dress) passion and excitement for her craft!

I was grateful that I had something to pass on. Grateful for the pride I felt in my people, my awe-inspiring friend Stephanie. Grateful for the chance to return to a place that I turned my back on. Grateful for women who take a chance even though it is not popular, it isn't comfortable and doesn't always slide graciously into the minds of others.

Thank you God for taking me back and allowing me to bring my children with me.

Join Ann Voskamp as she gives thanks!

Awarded and it feels so good!

2010-09-18T14:42:00.001-04:00

Thanks to Dawn from Mom-a-Logues (great name isn't it?), I was given a Lovely Blog award. Feeling the love Dawn! I have the wonderful task of awarding other bloggers. Here is my list and reasons why I love these blogs:

1. Impress Your Kids- I know, I know, I rave about them all the time. (No! I don't work for them!) I just love how they inspired me to pass on my faith to my kids in a real and relevant way. Who can beat that?

2. I am all a Twitter About Life - I just stumbled on this blog today. I was so touched by Lisa's story about losing her mom to Breast Cancer:( I also loved her on-line book store.

3. Pitter Patter Art - I have been in love with this blog from the moment I discovered it. I have no idea how I stumbled on her blog. I love how her life and passion for art have come together in the name of compassion and adoption. I can't get enough of her beautiful and awe-inspiring art!

4. Cherryappleart - I knew Rebecca through our church and I can't believe how much we have in common. She is so passionate about her art and family. She has the energy I envy and the drive that inspires me!

5. Chloe from Lucky 7 Designs- When I met Chloe I was inspired by her resolve to persevere. She is so devoted to her beautiful little guy and her cards- oh don't get me started. I can hardly believe she does this all by hand.

6. Lamp Unto My Feet- I love this site. I go here for amazing takes on dinner. My personal favourite is the Cowgirl Casserole. My kids love it! Sherry is great for her homeschool tips as well!

7. Mike and Katie's blog is so wonderful. I love their adoption story. What really impresses me about Katie is her interest in meeting the cultural needs of her children. I love how she threw herself head first into the hair-stories of her bi-racial daughter.

8; Silly Precious Piggies is another fun blog. I love the crafts she does with her children. Everything looks great!

9. Ordinary Inspirations is another one of my favourites. I get updates on facebook- I love her commitment to her family and her faith.

10. Last but not least is another new find: Home School Creations. Since I started homeschooling this year I have really appreciated the blogs that provide ideas, support, and connection. This blog does all three. I feel blessed to have found HSC.

Thanks everyone. I would have done more but I have soooo much to do with our upcoming Trade Show!

Marmee's Circle Giveaway!

2010-09-16T22:53:00.005-04:00

I usually don't post give-a-ways but this one is too good not to share. Earlier this week I posted some pictures from my new web site's launch. This website is dedicated to women who create and pursue their passions. Please scroll down for pictures of our launch party and the amazing talented women.

Here is the give-away: Visit the website, Marmee's Circle. Go to the Win page and follow the directions. It is super easy.

What do you win? A cute Nappy Pail - you have to see it. Rock Star necklace by our talented accessories guru from Cherryappleart and a 10 pack holiday gift card from Lucky 7 designs. This woman designs cards that are works of art. Just check out this card... you have never seen anything like it!

Blessings to you and have a great weekend!

We Made It!

2010-09-14T13:12:00.003-04:00

THE MAKING OF THE MARMEE'S CIRCLE WEBSITE LAUNCH!

Hair by Cherryappleart

Well, they made it. From innovative cards to gorgeous hair accessories. I felt so proud to know women who make beautiful awe-inspiring creations. Speaking of hair accessories, I was seriously loving my black rose head band! It was a perfect addition to hair that wouldn't cooperate. We also had a few surprise additions. CC's friend came with her deliciously smelling lip balms. I just had to snag the mint! My lips can hardly wait.

Some of our ladies in Marmee's Circle

Wall Art by Lucky 7 Designs

Paper Poppy Wall Art by Lucky 7 Designs

Not your average card by Lucky 7 Designs

Two talented ladies meet and share!

Beautiful accessories!

Lip Service! Scented Lip Balms by Shauna.

Beautiful cards by Lisa's Cards.

Spooky Halloween cards by Lisa's Cards.

Overall the launch was a huge success! Marmee's Circl e is so full of talented amazing women. You have to check out this Waterfall Card made by Lucky 7 Designs. We also had cute cards from Lisa's Cards. (Look for the link later.)

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My Mother's Dedicated Ambition

2010-09-13T07:55:00.001-04:00

Today is the day I have been waiting for. My new website Marmee's Circle launches today! This venture was inspired by the talented and driven women I have met over the past 2 years. Most of all it is dedicated to my mother!

I was born in a very small island called Dominica. My mother had me when she was very young and my father died when I was 6 years old. I will always admire my mother because of the decisions she made after this terrible incident. My mother could have stayed in the comfort of her family and friends and seek the expected. She could have settled for "it worked for me", or "I turned out okay- so will she". She could have stayed and given my life an "okay shot". She didn't.

My mother came to Canada by herself without a person to connect to. She was only 23 years old. She left me behind so she could work. It must have been agonizing that the only way she could provide a better life for me was by leaving me. The thoughts and anguish that would torment her every night- I can only imagine. The early years in Canada were rough for my mother. She was called a monkey and other racists names that I won't repeat. She was treated like a second class citizen. She was beaten down by the racist names and terrible treatment by her employers. As she bathed another child, she must have cried for the opportunity to take care of her own. As she cleaned a house, her heart must have sank with the reminder that she was very far from home.

When I arrived a year later my mother's devotion went into overdrive. She worked all day, went to school at night and paid another family to take care of me. She rarely got to go on the trips to Florida, Atlantic City and so on that I went every year. I sit and think how hard it must have been for her to work so hard but never enjoy the fruits of her labour. We spent time together on weekends. I missed her so much during the week. She would often come to my bed and kiss me at night when she got home. Even though my mother's life was difficult she never complained. She did not develop a hardened view of the world or grow weary in her desire to provide a better life for me. She used all that to propel her (and her daughter) into a better situation. Because of her I had stability in the midst of loss and chaos. Because of her I became a follower of Christ. Because of her I learned the value of people instead of things. Because of her I was given the education she dreamed of. Because of her I had a chance.

Today my prayer of thanks is simply,

Thank you Lord for my mother's dedicated ambition. Thank you for her desire for more time with me, better role models, and a life rich with experiences that propel.

Join me at 7:00 pm est today as I celebrate Marmee's Circle and the dedicated women like my mother - Emelda!

I join Ann Voskamp every Monday to give thanks.

My Day Book

2010-09-09T00:11:00.000-04:00

FOR TODAY

Outside my window... raindrops are forcing their way through the clouds. Leaves are green for now but you can feel fall waiting around the corner. Time to accept that summer is really over.

I am thinking... about Marmee's Circle, my new venture. I am trying to ignore the negativity and the doubts that crowd my mind today.

I am thankful for...my mother who is my greatest support. She is such a blessing to her grandchildren.

From the learning rooms...We did a video for Writers Workshop. Lot's of fun until I remembered I was still in my P.J.'s!

From the kitchen...Left-overs - sorry kids. Buttercup soup! Or maybe pasta?

I am creating...a new website that will bring women and their creations together. We (my son and I) just started a new blog about our homeschool. I am super excited and relaxed (is it possible?) about the blog.

I am hoping...that I can seriously pray for change in my heart. I really want God to help me breath and live the lessons I am trying to teach our children.

A few plans for the rest of the week: We would love to visit the zoo. We are learning about animals and our zoo membership has come in handy. I also have to prepare for the launch party on Monday for Marmee's Circle.

Here is a picture for sharing:

This picture reminds me of how I feel inside when I am creating with, teaching, and spending time with my children. I love being their mother and wonder what I did to deserve this awesome opportunity!

Join in the fun! Share your day with The Simple Woman's Day Book.
"Would you like to linger on the simple things...then join me and many others in taking a little look into the day plans and thoughts of those who are focusing on simplicity...beauty of the everyday moments. "
http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com

Pancakes with Pear Syrup

2010-09-07T00:01:00.024-04:00

Pretty isn't it?

I have recently found a great bisquick recipe. Now I am constantly looking for things to make with the bisquick. The natural choice is pancakes. We make pancakes often in our home. It annoys me that it took me this long to start making bisquick in large batches. It makes pancake making a breeze. I use this bisquick recipe from cooks.com. It is super easy and doesn't require powdered milk.

That's all folks!

As for the pear syrup- well that was completely accidental. We usually use maple syrup (yeah Canada). But we ran out and I had to think fast on my feet. My mother had given us some freshly picked pears. Voila pear syrup! Make the syrup before you start the pancakes and you will have the syrup ready when the pancakes are ready!

I use 1/4 of a cup of batter. It makes the perfect size.

1 cup of bisquick mix
3/4 cup of milk
1 teaspoon of vanilla extract
1 egg

Mix ingredients in a bowl and stir until smooth. Pour a 1/4 cup of batter per pancake. When bubbles appear flip over. Pile pancakes so they stay warm.

Saucy Syrup

Pear Syrup

4 pears peeled and sliced (3/4 of an inch thick)
1/4 cup of sugar
1 cup of water
2 tablespoons of apricot jam (optional)
2 tablespoons of butter

Add the ingredients to a pot and bring to a boil. Simmer on low until it thickens. Take pot off stove. Stir in cold butter. Pour syrup on your beloved pancakes and smile sweetly. At least that's what the children and I did!

Pile it on to keep them warm.

From our kitchen to your table!

The Best-Worst-Sore-Loser Ever

2010-09-06T00:01:00.001-04:00

This weekend my friend Libby invited our family and CC's family over for dinner. I was supposed to host a Martini Partini but I was just not organized enough. So Libby invited us over for hamburgers and sausages. I decided to make a blueberry nectarine pie for the occasion. I love making pie crust. It is simple but complex. I love the challenge of mixing a few ingredients until they are just right and then hoping everything stays put. I phoned Libby to let her know that I was bringing over a pie. Well she informed me that CC was also bring over a pie. So naturally we had a Pie-Off. As I hung up the phone I started to panic. Did I mention that CC was making a PEACH pie? Peach pies are pretty to look at and taste sweet and smooth. I panicked. Even though this was a friendly competition - I knew it would get out of hand. Both CC and I are very competitive ladies.

When I arrived at Libby's I announced that I had to bake my pie at her house because I liked my pie hot. Then I eyed it. The peachy dream sitting on Libby's table. The pie was beautiful. It had a raised edge and the light golden colour that is envied by all pie makers. I knew this Pie-off was over. Yet I still hung on the hope that the blueberry pie with an ALL butter crust could win. Libby served everyone one slice of each with ice cream. When I took a bite of CC's pie I knew it was really over. The pie was sweet with a flaky flavourful crust. Very unusual for an all shortening pie.

Now I need to explain why I am the Best-Worst-Sore-Loser ever. Usually when I lose a competition or a game I am known for throwing things and stomping away in defeat. Very immature. I know. My husband and I used to play Backgammon on a regular basis. We stopped when he realized I would never be a gracious loser. But things have changed.

When I tasted CC's pie these words came out of my mouth easily and pleasantly, "You won. Congratulations." I was actually surprised to hear it. If I hadn't actually said those words I would not have believed it. I became a gracious loser. For once. Isn't that something to be thankful for?

Here are some others:

-last minute invites
-babies who sleep
-my mother
-CC's gracious win
-vanilla ice cream with hot pie
-wasabi mustard
-super sausages
-Ikea $1 breakfasts
-gracious loses

Join Ann Voskamp as she encourages us to give thanks.

Shhh! School has Started!

2010-09-02T00:01:00.003-04:00

Since I made the decision to home school I have been doing a little practice teaching. We have been working our way through the Scripture Alphabet series with Impress Your Kids and have really enjoyed it. We save this for the end of our day, just before prayers and bedtime. It helps the children settle down and also gives us some time to learn letters and do some crafting.

Cohen hard at work tracing letters. I was shocked when he asked to copy what he traced on the lines below. I love that homeschooling encourages children to take initiative and to extend their learning.

All of the children are present during these activities. As a teacher I learned that I could expose students to subjects, topics etc... that were a little above them. I just have to remember not to require that they demonstrate everything they are being exposed to. We printed the letter L and searched for it on our letter bin. Searching is a really important early skill. Students need it to help them recognize letters as they are reading. Here is a site that has some good activities that help with searching. Not all the activities help with searching but most of it is useful.

This activity was great. The children practiced important skills such as searching, printing, cutting and gluing.

Today we were working on the letter L. Since Impress Your Kids did not have a verse for this one, we found "Look to me and be saved..." Isaiah 45:22. Impress Your Kids made lions out of paper plates. I didn't have any on hand so we used paper bags. The kids loved it. This activity helped improve their fine motor skills and was lots of fun. My son came up with the idea of using round stickers for eyes and putting dots in them. I love these moments where we can just share ideas and work together.

There he is again - shirtless-boy! He gets something out of our time together.

I have been trying to home school as informally as possible. Since my sons are high energy I keep things flowing without abrupt beginnings and endings. We brought out the sorting toys and sorted together on the family room carpet. I thought we were done but my son continued exploring. He started to make patterns with the sorting toys and soon we were back to sorting with other attributes. Through homeschooling my kids don't realize that they are "in school". The learning is just woven into our daily lives.

I am thankful for the opportunity to home school and hope I can do it for as long as I need to!

Serving Up Close

2010-09-01T16:15:00.001-04:00

It is funny, I almost didn't write today. It took a poem by my on-line friend to stir my heart and my thoughts. I realized that I am so far removed from the lives of the needy. In my church we make meals, buy formula, do the shoe boxes, bring food for the food bank etc... But in no way is my life impacted by the lives of people who need Jesus and the basic necessities of life. It isn't because my church doesn't provide these opportunities. It is because I have gotten carried away with my own needs. I have been through some heavy duty stuff and have gotten used to being helped rather than helping others who truly need it.

My life has become more about comfort and fun and less and less about God's command to me.
I read a lot of blogs and the reason why I read most of them is because it stirs reminders and desires for me. There are stories of women who are really making a difference and going out of their way to have an up close relationship with the needy. I remember being that fresh out of university girl who wanted to change the world. I wanted to take the words that God had given me and write it on the pages of my life.

Instead I got caught up in my career, wedding, homes, children, marriage, illnesses and the list goes on. When I moved away from the city and into our town, the distance I felt from those in need grew. As opposed to seeing needs at my doorstep every day, I got used to not being "harassed" on a daily basis. The needy became one woman that I would see occasionally on the main road and teenagers asking for money as you got off the highway. Today my life has become more about my needs than the needy. I haven't even thought about it for a while. That is why when Ann Voskamp posted it I thought I had nothing to say on the subject. Thanks to Misty for stirring up my heart and prompting this confession.

Lord I am sorry for forgetting your commandment to me. I am sorry for leaving the needy to others. Forgive me for not looking for them like you searched for me. Help me to find a way that I can truly serve from up close.

Follow Ann Voskamp on this journey.

Buttercup Pie

2010-08-31T06:01:00.004-04:00

Uncooked buttercup squash bathed in a yummy orange colour!

We have been visiting our favourite farm stand like crazy. Hy Hope Farms is in Ashburn, Onatario. Very close to where we live. We have developed a serious addiction to this place. (It's because they make the best butter tarts...oh my I just had one.) Anyway, we cannot get enough of those little tarts and those beautifully coloured Buttercup squashes. My mom usually makes this savoury pie that we have at Christmas and I thought why not make a similar pie but with buttercup squash instead. My mom's pie is soft and fluffy with just the right amount of seasoning. We usually use a caribbean fruit called breadfruit to make the pie. Breadfruit is closer to the texture of sweet potatoe but white in colour. It has a natural sweetness and nutty flavour similar the buttercup squash.

I also have developed a liking to making my own Bisquick recipe. I use this one from cooks.com. Because I made a lot, I like to find ways to use it. I store it in a large air tight container and keep it with the other flour products.

2 Buttercup Squash
1 Cup of milk
3 eggs
1 cup of bisquick mix (Make your own- so so so easy!)
3 tablespoons of sugar
3 teaspoons of salt
2 teaspoons of pepper (I love white pepper but you can use black)

Preheat oven to 350. Cut the squashes in half and place on a cookie sheet. Roast until cooked. (Approx. 35 minutes). Remove from oven. (Do not turn the oven off.) Peel the skin that forms on the inside and outside. Mix until smooth. Whisk the milk, eggs, bisquick mix, sugar, salt and pepper until smooth. Add mixture to buttercup. Whip this mixture on medium speed until combined. Do not over mix. Pour mixture into pie dish. (You can add some cheese if you like.) Bake until mixture is set and top is crisp. (20-25 minutes). Remove from oven and serve.

From our kitchen to your table.

Weighted Down With Joy

2010-08-30T07:50:00.000-04:00

This weekend brought roaring unsettling "discussions" and also joyful moments of sitting in the back yard making obstacle races with the kids. How does this happen? How in one minute can I feel so deflated and exhausted from the demands of marriage and family and then within a few short hours I feel light and easy.

I have mentioned before that we are following the ABC Scriptures series with Impress Your Kids. Each night my kids and I do phonic activities while we learn scripture. Tonight our scripture was "...we are full of joy in God because of our Lord Jesus Christ." I had to explain to my son that we can still have joy even though we have moments and days where we feel alone or sad. We can have joy because of what Jesus did for us. Even though I spent the previous night crying myself to sleep, and my arms felt like they were an old woven basket ready to give way, I realized that I am full of joy. God has tucked joy in the form of:

obstacle courses

Hy Hope Farm's butter tarts

mothers that cook and care for their children's children

sermons that remind us of the work that has to be done

plans for Christmas baking (already!)

friends that come back from vacations

questions like "Is Jesus God's last name?" (asked by Cohen during scripture time)

homeschooling (I can't believe WE are this excited)

As always our lives are filled with challenges that take us places we want to run from. Yet, God is constantly reminding me to close my eyes and feel the fullness of his joy.

Join Ann Voskamp as she gives thanks.

Home (Sweet) School with Wallies

2010-08-25T23:02:00.002-04:00

Do you want a chalkboard that is light as a feather, easy to move, and doesn't cause injuries? Then you want a Wallies chalkboard. These chalkboards are perfect for homeschools, offices and bedrooms. They are easy to move and you can write on them with regular chalk. I tired the Wallie chalkboard in different ways. I did this while carrying my new born in a sling. Now you know it is easy.

There was not much do in terms of perparation for these giant stickers. You just remove them from the clear box, peel a small part off from the backing and voila you have a classroom. I tried writing on the chalkboard right away and it was nice and smooth. It is important to smooth the sticker out in small secitons as you work. Also you can't use side walk chalk on these chalkboards.

My cousin took these picture. Can you see my newborn in the sling?

MyWallie chalkboard is ready for some accessories!

These strips come in various patterns, themes, and sizes. All you need are a pair of scissors and tape. You can create a border that changes or have one that stays year round.

My new chalkboard from Wallies!

Wallies carries a variety of shapes and sizes. (They have the solar system, trees, animals, you name it!) This set comes in four. I wish I had known about these in my public teaching days!

The news is out that I am homeschooling our son for the first time. We have a lot of work ahead of us. Today we set up the room (see below). We also picked a name for the school - Home (Sweet) School. I am sure there a millions others who have picked that name. Thank goodness Urban Bubbles sent me those chalkboards from Wallies. It was lots of fun. Get ready for our Home (Sweet) School tour. So excited.

Here are some before shots: (This room was used as a playroom/craft room for the past year.)

Now it looks like this:

My second said he wanted to model - with his shirt off. Can you see our new word wall?

Our new word wall. We will only keep new words on the board until they learn them.

I used cushions to hide my supplies and made a reading nook. The kids started using it right away!

Storage for our stuff. Each subject has a shelf. I love being this organized!

Supply central!

Another place (filing cabinet) to make words.

I keep a school picture to remind me of what worked and didn't for me.

Quiet work station.

I think I'll end on a quiet note. The way most long days at school should end. Thanks again Urban Bubbles and Wallies for making our classroom into a Home (Sweet) School!

Home Schooled Mama

2010-08-25T15:21:00.000-04:00

Last year when I started this blog I wrote about the challenges of sending my child off to school. This year I will be welcoming him in. I have made the decision to home school our son. He had a recent diagnosis that forced me look at his future head on. He has trouble with consequences. He is impulsive and very smart. Not the easiest combination for a parent. He is also very forgetful and never runs out of energy. Trust me we have tried! After our 3 hour appointment with the doctor I felt a huge responsibility resting on my narrow shoulders.

Last year, every day he left for school I held my breath hoping that every phone call wasn't from the school. When he came home I anxiously searched his face for any signs of guilt from a day of wrong doing. Being an elementary school teacher I felt a lot of pressure. My child couldn't be the one sitting in the Principal's office or getting notes in his folder. My son's difficulties forced me to deal with pride and control. I had to learn that his behaviour is not a reflection of who I am as a person. I learned that in the end my son would be held responsible for his actions. This idea irritated the control freak in me.

So that is one of the reasons why I avoided the whole idea of teaching my son. Even though I told parents on numerous occasions that they are their child's most significant teacher - I didn't feel that I was up to the job. Yet it slowly occurred to me that maybe that is what God had in mind all along. I felt that God was using this experience to change my heart. He was calling me to be less preoccupied with the next perfect step and more concerned with obedience to him. He was also calling me to show more patience and compassion towards my children. This was a bit of a stretch for a tell-it-like-it-is kind of mother like me. Homeschooling heightened my awareness about the impact I make in my children's lives and the changes I need to make in my own life.

Join Ann Voskamp as we share our parenting stories.

Butter Cup Chicken Soup

2010-08-24T02:24:00.003-04:00

One of my favourite things about living in our town is the multitude of farms around us. I love living here because we have all the conveniences of a city and all the luxuries of a small town. Today we went to The Cottage Hospital. You know you are going to get good service when you go to a hospital with that name. It is in a nearby town that I have to say I have a little crush on. The hospital is probably the size of my house, but the town is beautiful.

These tiny onions melt in the soup. No chopping. Love it!

These are regular onions. I didn't use them in this recipe.

More fresh local goodies.

On our way back from the hospital I wanted to stop at a little farm shop that sells fresh produce and the best butter tarts ever. My friend Libby was coming over and I wanted to get something I know she would love. We saw what I thought was butter nut squash. It happened to be butter cup squash. The squashes were the most beautiful colours of orange and green. Each one was absolutely perfect. I also picked up some small cooking onions, smooth potatoes, long green leeks, cabbage, and fresh garlic. I also caught something else I have never heard of before - sweet potato squash. It was a light creamy colour with green strips. I couldn't wait to introduce these ingredients to our kitchen.

You have to love the lush oranges and yellows.

All these ingredients were screaming to party in my chicken soup. I love how new ingredients produce surges of inspiration for the kitchen. Here is my recipe for Butter Cup Chicken Soup. This recipes made 3 pot fulls. (I borrowed 4 slow cookers for our children's blessing ceremony and I wanted to return them full rather than empty.)

Butter Cup Chicken Soup

I challenged myself not to use anything out of a package for this recipe.

2 whole chickens cut into quarters
4 cups mini or cut carrots
6 celery sticks chopped
2 bunches of garlic smashed
1 large bunch of fresh thyme (You can use dried thyme (4 tablespoons))
6 small cooking onions peeled and cut in half
1 butter cup squash peeled cut into large chunks (I suppose you can use butter nut squash)
3 sweet potato squashes peeled and sliced into large chunks (optional)
3 leeks washed and cut in half
water
salt and pepper to taste (I do love my white pepper but you can use black)

Fill a large pot with water to cover all of the ingredients. You might need to make this in three batches or in a very large pot. Add all the ingredients and let come to a boil over medium heat. Cook until all the squashes have dissolved and chicken is falling away from the bones when you stir the pot. The onions should have dissolved by this time. Continue to simmer on low-medium heat until the soup thickens. Taste the soup to ensure you have enough salt and pepper. You are ready for some awesome chicken-squash goodness. You might want to cut up some of the chicken if you prefer chicken in every spoonful.

From our kitchen to your table!

Raising Blessings

2010-08-23T06:00:00.004-04:00

I waited 4 years to formally bless our 4 children. It was definitely worth the wait. I had planned a fun day at the local park that included possible walks along the nearby beach, splashing in the splash pad and playground fun. I had stocked the freezer with sausages, min burgers, and ribs for this special day. I checked the weather meticulously to make sure it would cooperate. The night before I had 5 crock pots full of sweet sticky ribs. My mom made vegetable and fruit trays. I counted cookies for our ice-cream sandwich bar and spent way too much time planning every minute of the day. Then I woke up to find the skies full of clouds and heavy with rain. My heart sank. My blessing ceremony wasn't going to be the big out door bbq I had planned after all.

Instead we used the church. My friends help set up tables, chairs and our food in 20 minutes before everyone arrived. Tables were lined with steaming containers of meat, salads of various kinds and drinks ready to quench thirst. Inside I felt a sting when I remembered friends who were missing and plans that were altered. It was not going to be the big party I had planned. Then the official ceremony began. My husband and I listened as the children's pastor blessed our children with words of our saviour and graciously led our "community" on this altered journey. We laid our hands on the heads of our children and blessed them. Our friends and family read blessings for each child while meeting their eyes and embracing their hearts. Our children beamed with that awesome feeling of knowing you are special. At the end I felt full of love for my children and eager to embrace these altered plans.

In the end it wasn't my countless perfecting list, a crowd, the sunny skies, and a menu that made our day a blessing. It was the look in our children's eyes that showed the bursting hearts and beaming joy. It was a commitment that bound friends to family and family to child. It was a shelter protecting us from natures unpredictability. It was a pastor whose words inspired and touched the hearts of two parents struggling to raise the blessings that God had poured into their lives.

Today I would like to thank God for four blessings:

1. Thank you for the spirited blessing that is our first born.

2. Thank you for the humorous blessing that is our second born.

3. Thank you for the determined blessing that is our third born.

4. Thank you for the soothing blessing that is our newborn.

Who are the blessings you are raising?

Follow Ann Voskamp as she encourages us to give thanks!

Four Tips to Help Your Child Read (Ages 3-10)

2010-08-20T11:52:00.008-04:00

Reading is such a complex concept and can be very difficult for children. As a Reading Recovery teacher, I had 20 weeks to bring a struggling reader to grade level. The next time your child brings home books to read, follow these simple tips to make this time together enjoyable. Join me at Blissfully Domestic today as I share some strategies.

The Blog Identity

2010-08-20T00:01:00.005-04:00

Baby Steps

I started my blog last summer as a way to chronicle my son's arrival into a world I left - school. I thought I would write about the way the school system appeared from this side and share my insights. Then I found myself taking a long break and not writing for weeks and months at a time. I eventually got up from my stumble and took a few awkward steps and wrote about things that had little to do with my son's education. I didn't really give much thought to finding a niche or fitting into this on-line world.

Teenage Fits
Recently someone asked me to describe my blog. They wanted to know if I have a mom blog. I wasn't quite sure how to answer that question. I said I write about parenting, cooking, cleaning, diaper wipes, friends, faith and on an on. I didn't know how to define my blog. All of a sudden the desire to fit in grew. I wanted to fit in. So I tried different things, contests, giveaways, reviews etc... I joined blog communities in the hopes that I would gain approval and ~~friends~~ followers.

All Grown Up
None of that felt right. I asked myself what is the purpose of my blog? It was no longer to chronicle my son's entrance into my old world, it wasn't to gain a following, it was to inspire. I realized that when I go to a blog over and over again, I go there for inspiration. So I will put the contests, giveaways, Tasteful Tuesdays, Make it Fridays away for now. But don't be surprised if I do share a recipe and talk about how I made something that saves me time and money. After all it is my blog!

The insecure, trying to get everyone to sign your year book, zipper jean wearing stage is behind me. I finally realized that fitting in is only important if it's the right fit. These words on this page are my perfect fit.

(Please don't be offended if you do any of the things mentioned above. You are entitled to find your perfect fit.)

Have you found your blog identity?

Stumbling on Gentleness

2010-08-18T14:58:00.003-04:00

I stumbled upon an amazing site that inspired me to spend more time with my children learning about God. This site appealed to me because it had very easy directions, the activities were engaging and always included an educational element. What more could a Christian mom want?

Anyway, the site, Impress Your Kids, has activities that teach your child scripture and learn basic literacy skills at the same time. I was excited to start this with my children. I got all the materials ready and laid everything out. I clicked on the first verse and found God speaking to me through a megaphone.

"A gentle answer turns away anger." Proverbs 15:1.

I have always struggled with anger. My anger shows itself in yelling, name calling, and criticisms. There are days where I feel sorry for the mess I put my children through. I find most days I am squeezing my anger so tight so I won't "lose it". The worst days are when I lose it and blame my kids, "if you had listened, mommy would not have to yell". This is where I fail as a mother. I allow my frustrations to get the best of me. I excused my anger by telling myself that I was frustrated, tired and fed up. So you can understand that when I stumbled on our very first verse and it is about gentleness I was convicted.

As we went on exploring this activity I had to demonstrate what a gentle answer was, apologize for my behavior and do a lot of reassuring. I realized that through my constant reminders about what my son isn't doing right he got the idea that he "wasn't a good boy". Our hearts lay broken side by side. He cried and explained that he felt he "ruined everything" and he "couldn't stop doing bad stuff". My mind searched for comforting words and I fell upon my own weaknesses. I asked him if he thought I was a good mother. His eyes lit up and he said yes. I asked him if I did wrong things. Then I said yes. I explained that doing wrong things doesn't make me bad it just means I need God's help. We talked about how remembering this verse could remind us that we need God's help.

I did not expect this 'kid's stuff' to penetrate my heart. I did not expect that by teaching my children the truth about God that conviction and repentance were going to follow. I thank God that he can teach me to see his love through the eyes of my child.

Join Ann Voskamp at Holy Experience.

Tasteful Tuesday: Pina Colada French Toast

2010-08-17T12:42:00.001-04:00

Welcome to Tasteful Tuesdays! Every Tuesday I will post a meal I have made for my family. I hope this post offers some good options for your family. Share your recipes that you are making for the week. Let us know what works for you.

I use a slip mat to place toasts on and keep in the oven to keep warm.

Lately I have been a little obsessed with coconut, banana, and pineapple. I have started putting one or all of these ingredients in everything. Can you tell I am still breastfeeding and dying for a girlie drink?

Okay here is the easy to make recipe:

Our family friend makes this whole wheat bread for us every week!

-bread (I use whole wheat)
-1/4 cup of shredded coconut
-1/4 cup of icing sugar
-3 large eggs
-1 crushed banana
-1 1/2 cups of milk
-1 teaspoon of vanilla extract
-1 teaspoon cinnamon (grounded)
-1/4 cup veg. oil and some for cooking (you could use butter for the batter instead)

We always use maple syrup!

Mix all the ingredients (except the bread- of course) together until combined. Oil a skillet and turn heat to medium. Dip bread in picture and make sure you pick up the bits of coconut and banana too. Cook each side until golden brown. Serve with maple syrup and enjoy!

Note: If you are really in the Pina Colada Mood then make a shake with the banana, milk, pineapple, and coconut juice.

From our kitchen to your table!

The kids loooooved this! Yours will too!

Now it's your turn. What are you bringing to the table? Just add the direct URL and please copy the Tasteful Tuesday button to your post.

Don't forget to check out more recipes at Tasty Tuesdays.

Laugh Out Loud

2010-08-17T09:54:00.001-04:00

(This is a post from March)
I spent yesterday around my favourite people- my friends and their children. It was a day of crafting in the morning and a large scale play date at one of my friend's house in the afternoon. It was laid back and unassuming. My most favourite kind of days. To be honest I did not feel like going out that day. I had the pressures and stress of a family crisis on my hands. All I wanted to do was hide out and cry out in my frustration and sadness.

You see my husband is in the hospital and this situation has put many concerns on the hearts of my family and friends. There is a lot of pain in the situation. I wish I could go into details to explain the circumstances of his illness but out of respect for him and my children the line has to be drawn here. Since last Tuesday night when he was admitted my heart and head began to spin into a whirlwind of panic and fear. Questions about the future of my marriage, our children, our home, our quality of life spun out of control. During times of intense stress and pressure I become like a large river or lake. I appear calm and in control. But underneath the placid surface I have what I call panic parties.

One can see that going out to MOPS (a bi-weekly program for mothers and their children) and enjoying a day of beading with the girls that mean so much to me has to be a conscious decision. Despite my earlier mood I pulled my self together (with a bit of make up- yes foundation and mascara!) and headed out. While I was at MOPS my close friend told me that my husband had referred to himself as the luckiest man in the world in reference to me. He had written her a note, thanking her for her unfailing support of our family. In the note he had called her husband the second luckiest man in the world. Second only to him. As beads clicked and spilled on the floor and tables, tears spilled from both of our eyes. My friend had no idea how much I needed to hear that tiny story.

The night before, my husband called me from the hospital. The conversation was intense and difficult. I felt my husband was not focusing on the right things and he felt that I was being controlling. I went to bed that night with fear and anxiousness. I wanted my old family back and the future looked so dark and uncertain. I felt my self becoming resentful and distant. Throughout this whole ordeal I have relied on God to hold my family in his hands. I have asked that this would not tear our family apart but bring us to a new place. When my friend shared her story it felt like God was bringing my family to that new place one little footstep at a time.

As the morning ended five of us went to my friend's house with our kids. The children behaved very well (thanks to the overriding number of girls). My son had the greatest afternoon. Every time I looked over at him he was smiling and enjoying life. It brought so much joy to see him so happy. We sat around the kitchen table and enjoyed pizza and salad. Every now and then a child would race into the kitchen to share a bite. We shared mothering stories, church stories, and husband stories. All of which made us cry and laugh.

We also shared our perceptions about each other before we got to know each other. My friend Rebecca said that she thought I was the happiest mom. Her comment did not surprise me. I have been known to have a pretty big laugh and smile. This comment made me think. Am I a happy mom/person? Should I be happy given the trials our family has faced in the last year? I thought about my parenting and remembered how often I yell at my children. I thought about how many times I had missed opportunities to build them up, to hug them, to encourage them. Am I a happy mom? I thought about difficult situations my husband and I have faced in the last 2 years. The missed opportunities to hold each other, play together, escape together and enjoy each other. Am I a happy person? Even though I was faced with all this contrary evidence I wanted to say yes. Yes, I am happy.

Somewhere deep in my soul God has given me the ability to laugh out loud even in the midst of pain. Yesterday, when I asked my friend to touch my hernia on my very pregnant belly and she shot me an odd look because she thought I had asked her to touch my HEMORRHOIDS, I laughed for a very long time. As I laughed I caught myself in mid moment and thought is this right? How can I laugh when things are so scary right now. I was able to push that thought and let out more laughter. I am happy. I can laugh.

Even now in the midst of my pain I am reminded of the verse God has given me for the year,

God has blessed me with laughter

and all who get the news will laugh with me!

Genesis 21:5-6

On that wonderful afternoon God reminded me once again that I can laugh during pain. He has also given me an ability to smile even when my world is falling apart. This is not a fake-everything-is-okay-smile, this is a thank God for this moment where I can smile. After all isn't it the moments that build our lives. Our lives are created minute by minute. Sometimes if we take it minute by minute, those happy, laugh out loud minutes can define who we are rather than the long stretches of time that hide the minutes of laughter and joy.

So if you see me laughing out loud at church, work, home, or in Walmart, don't think that I have it together and my life is perfect. Just take a minute and laugh out loud with me.