Monday, May 7, 2012

Shake It Off

I pulled more clothes that had grown too big off the hangers in my closet. As I put clothing after clothing in the bag I had a sense of fear and panic. What if I need these clothes again. What if I gain all the weight back?

With each new item I took out of my closet I made an agreement to myself, I will not hold on to what no longer fits.

Right now a lot of things don't fit. Love that turns on you, nightmares that steal your dreams, and the heavy weight of unworthiness. A few nights ago I had encountered a deep piercing hurt. It came unexpectedly and with ruthless force.

I crumbled to the bathroom floor in tears and poured myself into my comforting bed. When I awoke the next morning I decided to bathe myself in self-love. I wrote a poem to help shake off those self-loathing nests.
I am perfectly formed.   
My body is a reminder of who I am.
          No sharp edges here. 
         Just smooth curves that hint at gentleness, tenderness and a comfort giving nature.
My stride is a reminder of what I'm made of and where I'm going.
I'm made of incredible strength, determination, and the ability to move forward despite the weights that may cling to my feet.
I am a child of The King.
A princess.  
A vision of beauty.
An intricate, well thought out, planned creation.
His beloved.
His light in the world.
His servant- useful to him.
His special possession.
When someone hurts us we have the tendency to take it out on ourselves and say if only I was good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, nice enough... That night I realized that I was enough. I was exactly what he created me to be. The tendency to cling to clothes, dreams-turned-into-nightmares, or thoughts that no longer fits sneaks up on you.  Make a choice to bathe yourself in true self-love.  Decide that when hurt and disappointment find you that you will take the opportunity to shake it off.