Sunday, May 30, 2010

Saving the Marriage Nest

Empty chip bags left on the counter, days old socks abandoned on the bedroom floor, are met with heavy sighs, eyes that wander upwards, and a heart trying to recover from the trauma.

The details of the trauma our family endured a few months ago cannot be displayed on this black and white.  All that can be said is something was lost on March 16th.  The hope of rebuilding a broken link, the future that for brief moments at a time seemed approachable, and trust that was weak but making appearances- lost on May 16th 2010 at 3:30 AM.

The tears that fell on my quilted pillow shams, my son’s panicked cries, my mother’s heavy breathing- a sample of the after shocks.  I felt that I had lost a husband and gained a burden.   I held my very pregnant stomach as a reminder of the business I was in.  I had to hold it together.  Falling of any kind was not an option for us.  This event pushed our family into crisis mode.  There was no hiding how far my husband was from us.  I looked at his face later that morning and his eyes refused to reach mine.  I searched his scarred brow, bruised arms, and worn appearance.  He felt like a foreigner to me.  My heart often collapses when I survey the damage that has been done to our lives.  Often the future is neglected in hopes of regaining what was held in the past.   Finding a place to turn to was confusing and frightening during those first few hours. My fears of being judged tried to keep me away from God’s people- my new “chosen extended family”.

Yet, God’s people made an appearance that kept me from falling. They surfaced with reckless love and sacrificial support.  Their visits, prayers, and offers to take the children saved us.   Marriages are a union between two people that need the nest of the God’s family to rest in.   Hope was found in the arms and faces that I have grown to treasure.  Can a church save a marriage?  Can a group of women so giving, so inspiring, so encouraging save a marriage?  Alone they cannot save a marriage but together they provide momentum to persevere.  They know the place we are in and they still love us.  There is no expectation to hurry up and fix your failures. They know that rolling eyes, frustration and a traumatized heart will make appearances. It does not deter them from helping us create our nest of rest.  As I told my husband in the car one day, “I am okay with us being in this rough spot…it doesn’t scare me away.  I’m here for the long haul.”
You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.
You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.
You're blessed when you're content with just who you are—no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought.
You're blessed when you've worked up a good appetite for God. He's food and drink in the best meal you'll ever eat.
You're blessed when you care. At the moment of being 'care-full,' you find yourselves cared for.
Matthew 5:3-7 (The Message)
Who helps you restore your marriage nest?

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