Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Home Schooled Mama
Last year when I started this blog I wrote about the challenges of sending my child off to school. This year I will be welcoming him in. I have made the decision to home school our son. He had a recent diagnosis that forced me look at his future head on. He has trouble with consequences. He is impulsive and very smart. Not the easiest combination for a parent. He is also very forgetful and never runs out of energy. Trust me we have tried! After our 3 hour appointment with the doctor I felt a huge responsibility resting on my narrow shoulders.
Last year, every day he left for school I held my breath hoping that every phone call wasn't from the school. When he came home I anxiously searched his face for any signs of guilt from a day of wrong doing. Being an elementary school teacher I felt a lot of pressure. My child couldn't be the one sitting in the Principal's office or getting notes in his folder. My son's difficulties forced me to deal with pride and control. I had to learn that his behaviour is not a reflection of who I am as a person. I learned that in the end my son would be held responsible for his actions. This idea irritated the control freak in me.
So that is one of the reasons why I avoided the whole idea of teaching my son. Even though I told parents on numerous occasions that they are their child's most significant teacher - I didn't feel that I was up to the job. Yet it slowly occurred to me that maybe that is what God had in mind all along. I felt that God was using this experience to change my heart. He was calling me to be less preoccupied with the next perfect step and more concerned with obedience to him. He was also calling me to show more patience and compassion towards my children. This was a bit of a stretch for a tell-it-like-it-is kind of mother like me. Homeschooling heightened my awareness about the impact I make in my children's lives and the changes I need to make in my own life.
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